He's got a boyfriend anyway
by Anime-Ruined-Mi-Life
Summary: Jean Kirschtein. 16 years old, freshman student. Never been in a relationship. Like cats more than people (most of the time). Maybe in love with his best friend's boyfriend. Fucked up teenager.
1. Chapter 1

**Notes:** Hello, yes, it me...with a FUCKING JEANMARCO...FINALLY! you have no idea how much I wanted to write something about this two as a principal couple Im just...aaaahhh!

* * *

Thomas and I grew up together basically. Our parents were cousins in law or something like that, so we see each other regularly. He stayed in my house when his parents were on job's travels, and I stayed in his for the same reasons.

In short terms, we were brothers, we played together, he used my clothes and I used his (I never use his underwear though, I don't know if he ever used mine). We fought a lot too, but we learned how to deal with each other with the pass of the years.

I knew he liked guys since the moment he held my hand when we were walking to school the first day of winter when we were twelve. It didn't bothered me, but I let him go anyway. Maybe I liked guys too, but I didn't like Thomas in that way. We never talked about it again.

But that's not the point here.

The point is that he has a boyfriend now. Marco. Marco Boldt. Seventeen years old. The sexiest second year student known by the man, he is probably sexier than Chris fucking Evans. Or maybe not, let's say that he is close to reach that level.

You see the problem here?

My fucking hormones are burning my gut for a dude I can't even reach.

It's not like I would if he were single anyway, I'm too shy for it, or too stupid if you prefer that term.

The only thing I know here is if I don't stop these feelings, I could end up losing my best friend, my brother, for a guy that maybe didn't like me.

Yep. This is my life now, you think is nothing? Try to add that I'm about to fail math, and with that, a whole year of high school.

Who was the idiot who say that this age was beautiful? I want to punch them in the face.

-o-

"Are you okay?" Thomas said while we were watching TV in his living room

"Uh? Yeah, I'm fine, why?" I blabbed

"Mickey it's been playing with your headphones since we came, and you have done nothing to stop him" he responded pointing to the little animal.

"What?" I followed the cord that started in my shirt right to face a pair of green thin eyes, Thomas' cat, Mickey, was chewing the right head of my headphones while his pat where on the left one "Jesus fuck"

I took him in my arms, sliding, not so gratefully, the headphone off of his mouth to leave it in my pocket.

"Are they okay?" Thomas laughed slightly, changing the channel.

"Yeah" I sighed, then I faced Mickey "Why you did that, uh? I knew you had a good taste in music but this is ridiculous"

Thomas snorted

"That, must have been, the worst pun you've said in your whole life"

"Until now, it probably is" I laughed, petting the cat's head

"So what's up?" Thomas asked

"About what, exactly?" I said

He frowned

"Jean, you've been weird lately, what's wrong?"

"Nothing" I lied

"You're lying" he said.

 _Yes_

"I don't"

"Are you worried about math?"

 _What? No_

"Yeah bud" I said "my grades are getting worst, and it's only the first semester. I need a tutor before I fail"

"You know?" he said pointing his chin, like he was thinking "Marco is great in math, and he's great teaching too, he actually makes some extra money doing that"

 _Great, he's intelligent too, I can't even..._

"Really" I said, like I didn't care "I don't know man, I don't want to bother, and I'm hopeless anyway so"

"Oh, come on" he said rolling his eyes "look, he'll be here in any minute, we're could ask him if he's too busy to teach you, okay? He could teach you for free"

"He's coming over?" I asked, accidentally pressing Mickey's head making him leave my lap

"Uhm, yeah" Thomas said confused "I invited him to watch a movie with us, is there a problem?"

"No" I said quickly "of course no, we could ask him when he arrives then"

He didn't respond. He frowned a little though, before turn back to the TV

I stood up from my sit in the couch and went right to the bathroom.

I locked the door and hold on to the sink

 _Great, just…fantastic._

 _I will have to spend more time with Marco._

 _I will have to hear his voice at least two days a week after school._

I looked myself in the mirror and frowned

"You motherfucker, better to control yourself unless you want this whole situation be more awkward than it already is"

I washed my face with the cold water and looked at the mirror again.

 _Maybe this is a good thing._

 _I mean, what if is the only thing I like about the guy is his body?_

 _What if we don't have anything in common?_

 _Yeah, I actually could hate him if I get to know him._

I dried my face with the towel and went off the bathroom with that thought, just to find Thomas with his arms around Marco's neck, kissing like if they haven't seen each other in ten years.

Marco's hands were on Thomas back, holding him closer.

 _I wonder how that feels..._

 _Ugh, no_

I coughed in my hand awkwardly, making both give a little jump and look at me with raised eyebrows

"Uh, sorry, I-I was in-in the bathroom" I stuttered

 _Fuck_

"Jean" Thomas said blushing, putting a hand on Marco's chest to pull him away "sorry"

"Hi Jean" Marco said, smiling like an idiot, with a slightly pink color on his cheeks

"Sup" I said, trying to play it cool, with a burning neck, so I probably failed in that too.

Thomas looked at me and then right to Marco.

"What" I mouthed to him

He rolled his eyes and said

"Marco, Jean needs a math tutor, could you do it?"

 _You motherfucker_

"A math tutor?" Marco repeated, looking at me in the eyes

I froze

"Yeah" I said, stuttered "math is giving me in the ass this year so, yeah, I need help"

 _Nice Jean, pretty clever._

Both of them laughed at my butt reference

"I can help you Jean" he said "I'm free on Tuesdays and Fridays at four, it is okay to you?"

 _Actually, it's perfect_

"No" Thomas said

"Uh?" I said, confused "why not? We don't have classes after four"

"Movie and junk food night are on Fridays, asshole" he replied "it's a tradition"

"It's only an hour" I said before looking to Marco "isn't it?"

"Yeah, it is" he smiled warmly.

 _Please stop, you're giving me an ulcer._

"Great" I said clapping my hands together "can we watch the movie now then?"

"Yeah" Thomas pouted, holding Marco's hand leading them to the sofa, while I head myself to the couch next to them.

I couldn't concentrate in the movie, I was too distracted by Marco's back, the move he made when he laughed or when he wrapped Thomas with his arms and kissed him on the ear to make him giggle.

 _This is too much for me._

I went to the bathroom at least three times to wash my face before the movie finally ended.

"What did you eat?" Thomas said turning the TV off "you didn't even see how it ended"

"Nothing" I replied "sorry, I'm not feeling okay, that's all"

 _It's not a lie this time_

Marco suddenly stood up from his seat and put his hand on my forehead, making me give a big jump away from him

"What the fuck are you doing?" I asked, a little too nervous

"I'm checking if you don't have fever" he said with his hand up "now shut up and come here"

His hand was weirdly cold against my skin, I know I was blushing.

"You're okay" he said after an awkward expectation silence

"Thanks doc" I said wining a little smile from him "I better get going, my mom is going to be a burden if I don't get before eleven"

"Okay buddy, see you on Monday?" Thomas said giving me a hand shake

"Like always" I said rolling my eyes "Bye Marco"

"Actually" he said with his bag already hanging of his shoulders "I need to go too, I'm taking care of my nephew tomorrow, sorry Tommy"

 _Thomas' mom call him Tommy, even I do sometimes._

"Okay" he pouted crossing his arms "bye then"

Marco took Thomas chin and kissed his fucking pout in the sassiest way possible

"See you on Monday" Marco said wile Thomas was red as a tomato "come on Jean"

"S-Sure" I stuttered opening the door "bye Thomas"

"Bye Jean" I was able to hear before the door was closed

"I'm going this way" I said pointing to the right

"Me too" Marco said before starting to walk

"Really?" I asked, really surprised "to where?"

"Jinae's street" he smiled "where did you live?"

"Trost" I replied.

 _We live a fucking street away and I never noticed_

"How is that I never noticed?" he said to himself

"I'm not so popular like you, so I understand" I said kicking a rock

 _Stop with your passive aggressive shit_

"Oh, no" he said raising a hand like an apologize "I mean, I always see you in the hallways, so it's weird that I haven't noticed we live so close to each other"

"Oh" I said

 _He's been watching me?_

"I'm not a creep or anything though" he justified himself, blushing slightly "It's just...nothing, it's nothing"

"What?" I said, raising an eyebrow

"Well" he smiled scratching his neck, avoiding my eyes "You are pretty attractive if you didn't noticed, so...yeah, it's kind of creepy if you think about it"

My cheeks turned red, fortunately, Marco was looking at the street so he couldn't notice

"Re-really?" I replied

"Y-Yeah" he said, he put his face between his hands "ugh, sorry if I made things awkward, I'm dating your best friend and I tell you cute, Jesus"

"Are you happy with him?" the words came out of my mouth before I could even stop them

 _Fuck_

"I don't know" he said looking at his feet "I mean, I like him, we've been dating for a while now, he makes me laugh, but I really don't know if I'm happier now with him...it's kind of complicated"

"Sorry" I apologized "I didn't have the right to ask that, but he's like a brother to me. I don't want him to be hurt by anyone"

 _Not even by me, especially not by me._

He just looked to his feet and smiled.

"You're a really good brother then"

"I try to be" I replied "well, this is my street, uhm, see you on Tuesday I guess"

"Sure" he said "bye Jean, take care"

"Bye Marco, you...you too"

And we made our ways to our respective homes.

The thought of Marco thinking that I'm attractive was the reason I couldn't get to sleep till three am.

* * *

 **Notes:** Whoever Marco's partner is, they would be the luckiest motherfucker on earth,I can assure you that.

I'm sorry by Jean's pun by the way. I needed something to laugh/regret about, so that came up.

If I made Thomas too OOC I'm so sorry, we didn't get to know him so well (*cries*)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes:** Well, I hope you have enjoyed the first chapter, I'm sorry if you find it too short, I decided to make it a multi-chapter fanfic instead of a really long one, that's why you'll be reading 2k words long chapters and the updates are going to be every week. That's all I have to say about it for now.

The feeling that make you think that there's someone twitching your gut from inside when you're nervous, I'm really used to it, but since the moment I knew Marco will come to my house in three days to help me with math, the feeling have increased a hundred percent, and maybe more.

I know it shouldn't, but the fact that I might have feelings for the guy scares the hell out of me. Maybe if I didn't care about Thomas, I wouldn't even bother, I would probably be wishing to them to break up to have an opportunity.

If I didn't care about Thomas, I would probably go for it, without thinking about his feelings.

It's really fucked up if you think about it, because, if I really cared about Thomas, I wouldn't even be thinking about this.

I would just ignore my feelings, or what I think I'm feeling, and wish to my best friend's happiness.

 _Fuck this._

 _Fuck these feelings._

 _I'm not a kid anymore, I am a man, I need to put my shit together and deal with this with a mature attitude._

I spent the rest of the weekend complaining in my bed about the whole Marco situation.

-o-

"Nice eyes bags, horse face" Connie grinned from the chair in front of me

Tuesday, I slept two hours that night before I woke up realizing that Marco will come to my house today.

"Nice...ugh, I don't even want to fight with you today" I said resting my chin in the desk

"Wow" he said "is that bad?"

"I'd rather being hit in the head with a hammer than this pain" I winced

"I could get one if you want" he smiled "the workshop is open"

"Please" I said, trying to smile back "or you could get a saw, just to cut my head off to end this"

I heard a girl's laugh after seeing Sasha walk in the class room, with her bangs all above her face.

When she saw me, her smile faded slightly

"Who died?" she said, half joking, half serious

"My dreams" I said dramatically

"Ha, ha" she laughed sarcastically sitting next to Connie "you look like shit"

"Thank you" I replied "I have a mirror back home, I knew that already"

"And it didn't break?" Connie laughed

"It didn't, fortunately" I laughed back, after that a groan left my mouth and my hands went right to my temples "ugh my head"

Connie and Sasha laughed, or they did until they both looked at the front door.

I followed their sight and saw them

Thomas and Marco were kissing in farewell.

My head felt like if it was being drilled.

After sharing some saliva, Marco looked at me and made a little wince.

He looked for something on his bag, handed it to Thomas and then walked away to class.

"Wow" he said when he reached our seat "that's why Marco handed me this"

 _An aspirin._

 _A freaking aspirin._

"Thanks" I said taking the pill off his hand and swallowing it without water.

"You're welcome" Thomas laughed "you needed that and maybe more"

"Yeah" I winced thanks to the bitter taste of the pill.

I spent the rest of the class thinking about why Marco worried about me, or why he didn't entered to the classroom to giving me the pill himself.

At lunch time, the cafeteria was full, like always, so we all went to the grass to eat our respective meals.

Sasha and Connie always have the bigger portions because they share their food with each other, and sometimes with Thomas and me.

After a while, a figure appeared from the building towards to us

Marco

"Hi" he said to us waving a hand

"Hi" Connie and Sasha said full mouthed

"Hi" I said waving my hand too, with meat in my mouth.

"Hello" Thomas said pulling his boyfriend down to kiss him in the lips "sit down"

"Sure" Marco smiled kneeling in the small space that existed between me and Thomas "sorry"

"No problem" I replied quickly

Our knees were touching, but neither of us were doing something about it and it made me feel like the worst trash in history

"Thanks for the pill" I said when he was looking for his lunch in his bag "it really worked"

He looked surprised, like if he wasn't expecting that

 _I am polite sometimes, thank you very much._

"You're welcome" he replied "you looked uhm...bad"

"You can say he looked like shit, Marco" Connie laughed "you don't have to lie"

Marco chuckled awkwardly, scratching his neck, like he did when he told me I was attractive.

"I don't think eye bags make him look like shit" he said

 _Uhm is that...a compliment?_

"Now you're lying" Connie commented, dead pan.

"No!" Marco said "some people even look cute with eye bags"

Connie and Sasha looked each other

"You're weird, dude" Connie said raising an eyebrow

"I think it's true" Sasha said, spitting some rice "well, sometimes"

"Maybe, but let's face it, Jean did not looked cute this morning" Thomas said

Everyone laughed, even I did, but Marco just smiled.

 _What is wrong with him?_

After finish with the eye bag discussion, everyone started to eating again, Thomas was fighting with Connie and Sasha about who will win a fight between Erwin and Levi, our English and French teacher respectively (obviously Levi will, there's no doubt).

Marco constantly looked at my thermo, trying to figure out what was in there.

"Want some?" I asked him showing him what was inside.

"No" he said frowning "sorry, I mean, I don't even know what it is"

" _Mett_ " I said taking some with my fork "Try it"

"Is it raw?" He asked looking at it

"Yes, eat it, it's good" I said leaning close to him, our hands almost touching in the grass

He opened his mouth slowly, and I carefully introduced the meat in his mouth. His lips touched the fork before I slide it out of his mouth.

 _We have an indirect kiss_

 _..._

 _Jesus fuck, what is wrong with me._

"Did you like it?" I said expectant

"Yeah" he said, sincerely "it's really good, did you make it?"

"I wish" I said "my mom does, she's from Germany, and she always does this kind of stuff"

"It's really good" he repeated "I'm going to ask her the recipe today, if she's not too busy of course"

"You cook?"

"Yeah, sometimes" he said "you would feel in love with my special spaghetti"

 _You are definitely Mr. incredible._

"What is special about your spaghetti?" I asked

He looked at both sides and then moved closer to me, close to my ear specifically, I leaned a little and he whispered

"It's a secret. I'll have to kill you if you knew"

I chuckled when I punched him in the arm, making him giggle.

"Asshole" I said "I'm not going to let my mom tell you the Mett's recipe"

"No" he groaned making the 'o' sound longer "I need to know!"

I laughed at him while the others looked at us with weird faces.

"Jesus" I said giggling "how old are you, five?"

"Six, actually" he grinned, fucking grinned.

"Wow" I laughed again "you are unbelievable"

"For real though" he said "I do great spaghetti. You should come to my house and try it one day"

"Really," I said, surprised "why won't you invite Thomas instead of me?"

"He hates spaghetti" he responded giving a bite to his sandwich

 _Of course, he hates spaghetti since that fucker put it in his pants when we were in kinder garden._

 _How could I forget about that?_

"If you help me to pass math, I would go to your place to eat you spaghetti" I smiled

He raised an eyebrow in sign of doubt.

"But, I win nothing" he said "you will pass and try my awesome spaghetti, what is my prize here?"

 _I could..._

"The satisfaction of helping your boyfriend's best friend" I said "and maybe the satisfaction of someone liking your cook"

"Geez" he said "what a great prize"

"Are you being sarcastic right now?" I said, faking surprise "I never thought you could use sarcasm, Marco"

"There's a lot that you don't know about me, Jean" he said

"Oh really," I said raising an eyebrow "like what?"

"Well…" he said putting a hand in his mouth, thinking "I…uhm, wow, I really don't know what I am good at apart from cooking and teaching"

I snorted

"He's really good at kissing" Thomas said putting a hand on Marco's knee

"T-Thanks" Marco chuckled "but I was thinking about something I could show to Jean"

 _I wish you could show…_

 _No, stop._

I was saved by the bell, Marco stood up quickly, kissed Thomas in the cheek in farewell and say goodbye to us, giving me a wink before he turned around in his heels, making his way to the building.

I wasn't so nervous about the idea of Marco going to my house now. I was nervous about the effect that that single wink made to my gut, and my inner pants.

 _Well, fuck._

Notes: Ok, so these two chapters didn't show much character development, not even a bit. Although the following ones will be different, promise.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes:** Yes, I know its Saturday, but I'm on finals period so I won't be able to make it alive to Sunday because studying and...yeah shit.

Three twenty pm, my heart was pounding against my chest, in ten minutes school will over. In ten minutes I'll go to my house, change clothes and wait for Marco to come.

 _I don't have to change clothes though, it's not like he'll notice anyway._

 _Maybe I just should comb my hair._

 _Should I tidy up my room?_

 _Wait, what?_

 _He's not going to enter to my room._

 _He's just going for an hour to teach me math._

 _That's all._

 _No more over thinking._

When the school bell ringed, I swear to God I almost peed my pants

-o-

"You want me to come over after you finish with Marco?" Thomas said while we were walking the way home

"Finish what?" I asked suddenly

"Uh, the tutoring?" he said raising an eyebrow "what else would you finish with him?"

I laughed awkwardly

"Nothing, no, I'll probably review what he teach me and then stay with mom for a while before dinner"

"She's been okay?" Thomas asked looking at his feet

"She's...she's doing fine" I smiled reluctantly scratching my eye "I'll see you tomorrow okay?"

"Sure Jean" he said "you will tell me how you did with the tutoring right?"

"Right" I said when we were in front of his house "bye Tommy"

He looked at me surprised before answering me with a smirk

"Bye Jeanbo"

"Jerk" I said starting to walk again.

-o-

I was in the living room of my house, I've changed my jacket three times before putting my old Nike hoodie, I had brushed my teeth, combed my hair and even I shaved too.

I'm pathetic, I know.

"Are you okay _lieb_?" my mom asked from my side

"Yeah!" I said a little too enthusiastic "I mean, I'm a little nervous, if I don't pass math I will fail the year, so...yeah, I'm not that okay"

She looked at me in the eyes, smiling warmly. She wrapped her arms around me, acomoding my head in her chest.

I liked my mom's hugs. They made me feel safe for some kind of reason.

"You'll do it just fine, _schatz_ " she whispered before kissing my forehead "and if you get to fail, you know I'll be here for you, you knew that, right?"

"Yeah mom" I said patting her arm "I know"

"Alright then" she said letting me go "I could make you some sandwiches or some pancakes, if you get hungry"

"No" I said waving my hand "the only thing we will do is study for my exam"

"If you say so, good luck, Jean-bo" she said making her way to her bedroom

"Uh, mom?" I said she turned in her heels in my way "uhm, can you write down the Mett's recipe? Marco wanted it"

"Sure _lieb_ " she smiled

"Thanks" I smiled back.

At four twenty pm the knocking in the front door made me give a fucking jump off my chair.

I took a deep breath before opening the door.

"Hi Jean" Marco said with a couple of old notebooks on his hands "how you doing?"

Did he change his clothes?

"You mean, since lunch?" I grinned "fine, you?"

"I'm fine too" he smiled "can I come in?"

"Uh, sure, sorry" I stuttered opening the door completely "welcome to Kirschtein' house"

"Thanks" he said making his way to the table, looking to every photo that was hanged in the hallway "are you ready for learning some math?"

"No, but let's give it a try" I said before closing the door.

-o-

"Stupid and useless brain" I said hitting my forehead against the table "hopeless, I'm hopeless, I'm not going to pass, I am going to fail and become homeless you'll see me in ten years in your Porsche living under the bridge"

"You know that we've been here for twenty minutes, right?" Marco said patting me with his pen in the temple

"I'm hopeless" I repeated with my forehead glued to the table "you can go now, leave me here and save your sophomore ass"

"You are incredible" he said holding my head and lifting it up to face me "Come on, let's try it again Jean, it's not that hard"

"Ugh" I winced "can we take ten minutes break?"

"A ten...are you-ugh, okay" he babbled "but after the break you are going to give all your effort, okay?"

"Okay" I said standing up

"Jean" he said holding my sleeve "promise me"

I looked at my arm and then to his eyes.

"I promise" I said

"Pinky promise" he replied holding up his pinky

"Are you serious?" I said raising an eyebrow, when he frowned, I knew he was "you are ridiculous"

I held his pinky with my own and said

"I promise I'll give all my effort after the twenty minutes break"

"Hey!" he laughed "it was a ten minutes break"

"I'm sorry Marco" I said smiling "I already make the pinky promise, there's no way back"

He laughed, like, from the heart, chest full of air, still holding my pinky.

 _I want to see him more like this._

 _I really do._

 _Why my chest hurt so much?_

 _It supposed to feel this way when you can't kiss the person you like?_

 _I want to kiss him?_

"So" Marco said letting me go "what you want to do for the next twenty minutes?"

"We could eat something" I said pointing to the kitchen "there's still some Mett in the fridge"

"Awesome" he stood up from his chair and followed me to the kitchen.

I served two plates full of raw pork and Marco was like a little kid that you take to McDonald, he was really excited by eating Mett again.

"Where's your mom by the way?" Marco asked after a couple of minutes of hungry silence.

"She's on her bedroom" I replied full mouthed "probably sleeping"

"Where's your dad?"

My fork fall from my hand to the floor, his eyes were open wide, fixed in my expression.

 _I should've expected that, I should have been prepared for that._

"Sorry" I said standing up from my chair and picking up my fork to leave it in the sink "sorry, uhm, he left"

My hands were shaking, so does my legs. I held on to the sink and took a deep breath.

"Jean, I'm sorry I didn't..." he started to apologize

"No" I interrupted him, my eyes closed firmly "it's okay, I mean, he left a couple of months ago, my mom...s-she's better now, she doesn't spend the whole day in bed, so it's...it's okay now"

"Jean, Jean" he said standing up from his chair "you don't have to explain, I'm sorry!

He was behind me, my eyes started to burn, I could feel the tears come in any minute. I turned back to face him anyways, I didn't wanted to him to think I'm weak.

"Why are you apologizing, eh?" I said giving him a fake smile "everything is okay now, I told you, the old man left, so what? He left enough money to us to survive for a couple of months, so my mom can stay in the house for a while. I really don't care he has left…I started to fail in math because I stayed with my mom the first days, but...I really don't..."

Marco didn't let me finish, he wrapped his arms around me, forcing me to rest my head in his chest, just like my mom did the same afternoon.

"I shouldn't have asked that" he whispered "I'm sorry"

I felt the tears run down from my eyes to my cheeks when I reluctantly moved my arms to Marco's sides, I grabbed his shirt and I pushed him closer, so he wouldn't be able to hear my crying against his chest.

He patted my back until I was finally calmed. His chest moved in a different way than my mom's, but, in a weird kind of way, it was the same safety feeling.

 _I am pathetic._

 _I barely know him and he already saw me cry like a baby._

"You're okay Jean" Marco said moving away from me, holding my shoulders and cleaning my tears with his thumb "you don't have to be ashamed of feeling sad, or angry, you have the right to feel and don't be judged for it, just like anyone else"

Something made a click then.

 _I have the right to feel this way about Marco._

I was tempted to kiss him right there, to thank him, but I didn't.

I didn't because, even if I have the right to feel this way, I don't want to hurt Thomas.

"Thanks" I sniffed "I…ugh, I hate crying, but…thanks"

"You are so brave, Jean" he said, letting me go

"What?" I said drying my tears with my sleeve

"You are brave" he repeated himself "I admire you"

"I've done nothing" I said frowning, my eyes still burned

"And yet, you've done everything" he smiled warmly

"Whatever dude" I said "are you going to finish your Meet or not?"

"Sure" he said, taking sit again "we still have five minutes before going back to study"

"Yeah" I said graving another fork to finish my meal.

-o-

The hour that Marco was supposed to stay in my house tutoring became two long hours.

It's not like I'm complaining though, but logarithms and all that math shit really blows my head, apart from the emotional break (that I hope I don't have to experiment ever again). I was exhausted.

When Marco left, and after having dinner with my mom, I was able to lie in my bed and drown in my thoughts.

 _I felt safe in Marco's chest._

 _He held me without having to ask._

 _I was thinking about how much I needed a mom's hug, and he gave it to me._

 _Should I tell Thomas about this?_

 _Should I tell him that I'm feeling strongly attracted to his boyfriend?_

 _What the hell I am thinking?_

 _Of course I shouldn't._

Notes: This is where things are really fucked up. Jean's attraction is not just physical now, Marco made it to reach a part that Jean has been hiding, even from Thomas. He knows one his weakness now, and that's what scares Jean the most.


	4. Chapter 4

It's been two weeks since I started taking classes with Marco, and I've learned more with him than I ever did with any other tutor or teachers I've had before.

It's funny, cause I haven't had that really annoying stomach's ache when he's around. Not since the day I cried in front of him.

It made think that maybe I wasn't just crying for my father's leaving. Maybe it had something to do with all the stress I've been under lately trying to ignore my feelings for Marco.

 _I can't ignore it anymore._

 _I like him._

 _And that's okay._

 _I like his hair, his freckles, his arms, his eyes, his smile…_

 _And…that's okay._

-o-

Monday morning, I was about to give my first math test after starting Marco's tutoring.

"I think I'm going to throw up" I said holding my stomach

"Please don't" Connie replied before seeing my face, I really was going to vomit "Oh Jesus, Jean, buddy, you're fine, you…Sash, help!"

"Jean" Sasha said holding my face between her hands, forcing me to look at her eyes "you're going to calm down, give the test, pass and then we will go to celebrate eating all the pizza we want, deal?"

I took a deep breath, my stomach calmed and I smiled slightly

"Deal" I said as I looked around, and there were someone missing "Have you seen Thomas?"

"No, I actually was-oh, there he is" Connie said smiling "it's weird, he's not with Marco"

I turned around to see a really fucked up Thomas.

His eyes were swollen. His face without color and his hair was a big mess.

He sat up next to me like always, and then looked at the three of us and smiled reluctantly.

"What the hell happened to you?" I asked, really worried "you didn't responded my text last night"

Before he could give me an explanation, our math teacher, Keith, made his great entrance in the classroom with his hands full of copies.

"I'll tell you after the test, okay?" he said looking for something in his bag, trying to avoid my eyes

"You better do" I replied

 _How I am supposed to concentrate in my test while I have my best friend's corpse next to me?_

 _What could have happened?_

 _Did he fight with his parents?_

 _Or did he have a fight with Marco?_

"Okay students" Keith said from his seat "you'll have an hour to respond the test, use a number two pencil and be sure to fill the circles completely, good luck, you can start now"

The sound of sheets and pencils filled the classroom.

 _Okay, I need to focus._

 _I can do this, Marco teach me all about I need to know about logarithms, this is a piece of a cake._

 _I can do this._

I was like a thunder with the first five questions. They were always the easiest though.

When I was in the sixth problem, Thomas stood up from his seat and went right to Keith and handled him his test. I looked at him in the eyes and whispered "what the fuck are you doing" but he ignored me and he left the classroom anyways.

 _What the actual fuck._

I couldn't leave the room to follow him. I needed to pass the test.

 _I'm going to give him a beat up when I see him._

I wrote the answers the fast as I could, and forty five minutes later I was in search of a dead body (aka. Thomas)

I found him ten minutes later, lying in the grass, with his headphones on and his eyes closed.

I kicked him in the ribs forcing him to wince in pain.

"What the-Jean?" he frowned "what the hell is wrong with you?"

"That's my line, fucker" I said kicking him again in the arm before sitting next to him "what the hell happened, why you left the classroom like that?"

He straightened up and put his knees against his chest.

"I don't know" he said putting his chin on the top of his knee "I don't care anymore"

"What?" I asked, frowning "why?"

"Marco" he said

"Marco?" I repeated "what about him?"

"He broke up with me, last night" Thomas said, his eyes filled up with tears and he took his hands to his face

 _Oh fuck._

"Hey" I said putting one arm around him "hey Thomas, it's okay"

"No Jean" Thomas said in his hands "it's not okay, he likes someone else"

 _Someone else…_

 _Could it be…?_

 _No, it's impossible._

 _I need to focus on Thomas now._

"He told you that?" I asked rubbing my hand on his shoulder "he told you he like someone else?"

"No" he said as he looked up, his cheeks full of tears "but he was acting weird the last couple of days, so I invite him to go to my place last night to talk" he sniffed "I ask him what was wrong, he said he was confused and then broke up with me"

"Fuck" I said before I could stop my own words

"Exactly" he said rubbing his sleeve to dry his tears "I'll be fine, I just…need to deal with the fact that I'll have to see him every day for another two years, unless I change school, and I don't see that as an option"

"You'll be fine" I said rubbing his arm, keeping him close to me "who need a boyfriend anyway? You have us, you have me"

"Thanks Jean" he said leaning in my shoulder "you're a really good friend"

 _Of course I'm not._

 _I'm the worst._

"I try my best" I lied.

 _This is fucked up._

-o-

Marco texted me when I was walking home with Thomas' zombie

 **From: Marcoxox**

 **How you did on the test?**

 **To: Marcoxox**

 **Fine** I replied quickly, keeping my phone away from Thomas view

"Who was it?" he asked without looking at me

I jumped a little in surprise. He had been quiet the whole day.

"My mom" I said "she wanted to know how I did in the test"

 _It isn't a lie._

 _I just changed the name of who asked me._

 _To protect him_

"Oh" he sighed

"Yep" I sighed back, looking at my feet.

My phone vibrated in my pocket again.

 **From: Marcoxox**

 **Did the test I gave you worked? Keith always repeats at least two of the problems every year**

 **To: Marcoxox**

 **It worked**

"See you tomorrow Jean" Thomas said entering to his propriety

 _When did we get here?_

"Uh, oh yeah" I babbled "are you okay? You don't want me to stay?"

He smiled, but his eyes were tired, I could noticed that

"I'm okay, honest" he said opening the door "bye Jean"

 _Honest my balls_

"Okay, see you Tommy" I said walking to my own house.

When I was in my bed, my phone's screen lighted up.

 **From: Marcoxox**

 **What's wrong?**

 _Everything_

 **To: Marcoxox**

 **Nothing, why?**

It took a couple of minutes for his response.

 **From: Marcoxox**

 **You're giving me monosyllables Jean, is everything okay? Tell me truth, please.**

 _Please don't make me tell you the truth._

 _Don't make me tell you that I felt relieved when I knew you broke up with Thomas._

 _Don't make me tell you that I hate you for being confused._

 _Don't make me tell you that I like you._

 _Please don't_

 _ **To: Marcoxox**_

 **I was so nervous about the test today that I think I'm still a little tense, sorry**

 **From: Marcoxox**

 **You still want to me go tomorrow?**

 _Yes, please, I need a hug._

 **To: Marcoxox**

 **No**

 **From: Marcoxox**

 **Okay Jean, see you in school then**

 **To: Marcoxox**

 **K**

I threw my phone to my desk and I put my pillow in my face, wishing I were strong enough to suffocate myself with it.

-o-

I ignored Marco the following days.

Every time he tried to reach me, I went right to the first classroom that I founded, or ran to the stairs.

I know I shouldn't.

I know that my chest hurt every freaking time I did that.

I tried to spend even more time with Thomas, because I knew Marco wouldn't be around him.

The looks I've had catch him giving me when I pass next to him in the halls were heartbreaking.

He's always smiling, but that millisecond he looks at me I swear to god it could make anyone want to cry.

 _It can't be like this forever._

 _I'll go crazy if it stay like this forever._

Thursday's afternoon, after the school's final ring belled, Marco was waiting for me in the school's gate.

 _Fuck._

 _He knew Thomas had football practice today._

I couldn't ignore him.

"Hi" I said passing next to him without stopping, looking at my feet.

He sighed and started to following me

"Hi Jean" he said next to me, looking at the nothing "how you been?"

 _I have been like shit, thanks for asking_

"Good, good" I sighed "you?"

"I could be better"

"You could?" I said looking at him with the corner of my eye

"Someone I care about don't talk to me anymore" he said "so yeah, I could be better"

 _He's talking about Thomas_.

 _It makes me angry for some kind of reason._

"Thomas told you, didn't he?" he continued

 _Of course he told me, he is my friend, you broke his heart and you..._

"Yep" I replied "he told me you were confused and that's why you broke up"

"Yeah" he sighed "I've been confused for a long time, is just..."

I stopped, my hands were fists now. Marco looked at me startled and stopped walking too

"And why you stayed with Thomas?" I confronted him "if you were confused, why did you waited? You could have spared him the pain, why did you wait?"

"Because I knew" he said looking at me in the eye.

"You knew?" I frowned

"I knew this would happen" he smiled to himself, although his eyes were red "I knew you'll be mad at me"

I bit my lip.

 _I am mad._

 _I am furious._

"You don't even care about Thomas?" I asked firmly "he didn't even end his test on Monday, he cried for you for a whole night, and all you care about is me being mad at you? What the fuck Marco"

 _I don't even care if I like him, he's an asshole._

 _He hurt Thomas._

 _He's hurting me._

"Jean I..." he said reaching my arm

"Don't touch me" I said avoiding him and starting to walk "fuck you Marco. Fuck you"

He grabbed my arm and pulled me to face him.

"Let me go!" I shouted punching his arm. My eyes burned "you're an asshole, you never cared..."

"I do care about Thomas!" he interrupted me "I do, but you...I'm..."

"What?" I said trying to free myself from his grip

"I'm confused because of you" he said, letting go my arm, looking at me in the eyes "I'm going to sound like a dougebag, maybe I am, but, the first time I talked to Thomas, I was trying to reach you"

I froze

 _It's impossible._

 _It must a dream_

 _It's a nightmare._

"I like you Jean" he said closing the space between us "but Thomas asked me to go on a date before I could ask you to, and then...and then all went off of my hands, it was too late"

 _He's too close._

 _I can't._

 _He likes me._

 _My heart is going to leave my chest if it still pounding this way._

"I didn't want to hurt him either" he continued. He was so close that I could feel his heart beat against my chest "so I tried, I tried to ignore my feelings, but I couldn't"

At that point, I was crying, I couldn't stand it anymore.

He took my face between his hands and with his thumb he dried my tears

"Please don't cry" he whispered, his forehead was against mine, I could felt his breath in my lips "it makes my chest hurt"

 _He's too close_

"Marco..." I breathed.

 _He's too close._

* * *

 **Notes:** Okay, before you say anything, a little reminder: Marco is not an "innocent and perfect prince", he's a teenager, and no matter how nice you are, you fucked up sometimes.

PS: I don't even know why I did myself cry with this, it supposed to be a happy love story...fuck.

PPS: I'm on finals seaon, I just want to cry


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes: It's a response to a review so you are free to ignore this (unless you're the person who wrote it, if that's the case, READ THIS…pls)**

Ok cute person, you lifted up my spirit, thank you very much for the good wishes, I'm actually going to give my last exam tomorrow and after that I'll be finally free to do NOTHING, YAY! I hope you, and anyone who's reading this, keep enjoying the story, I send you lot of love and hugs :D, ah, one more thing…prepare your tissues djajkdsa...bye.

* * *

This is fucked up.

I'm fucked up

-o-

"...Jean" Marco breathed before putting our lips together.

His hands moved from my face to my back, holding me closer while I was trying to pull him away.

His lips were warm, he moved hungrily, but sometimes it felt like he was trying to hold himself back. His tongue suddenly, and without difficulty, made his way into my mouth, making me drop an unwanted moan.

I was shaking. My hands were on Marco's stomach, gripping his shirt.

 _It hurts._

 _It's not supposed to be this way._

I felt a salty flavor in my lips and when I opened my eyes, I saw him.

A couple of tears were falling of his eyes, they weren't enough to say that he was actually crying, but it hurt enough to make me want to stop.

"Marco..." I said as I put my shaking hand on his chest, pulling him apart "s-stop...please"

We both were gasping, his hands were still in my back, and I really wished to stay like that forever, although I wished happy tears instead of sad ones.

"What's wrong?" he asked, trying to search for my eyes

"Everything" I sighed, facing him "everything's wrong, me, you...this, whatever you want to call it, it's wrong"

He frowned. It must have been the first time I saw him like that.

"What is wrong about our feelings?" he said "is it wrong that I like you, or that you like me?"

 _No._

 _You really don't understand..._

"Thomas" I said, pulling him back enough to him let his arms fall to his sides again "you broke up with him not even a week ago, I can't do this to him, not e-not even if..."

"Not even if what?" he repeated, tensing his muscles

"Not even if I really want this" I said frowning, fisting my hands "I'm sorry, I-I can't do this"

I turned around in my heels and started to walk.

Marco didn't stop me.

When I arrived to my house, I couldn't hold it anymore, I started crying right there in the door frame.

In that moment, every part of my body was telling me I had lost Marco forever, and it hurt like hell.

-o-

I opened my eyes thanks to the sun light that went through my sheets that were covering my head.

It took only a few seconds before I remembered why I was surrounded by paper tissues, why my eyes burned and why I had a horrible headache.

I was crying non-stop till four in the morning

I groaned inside my pillow before I heard my room's door opening.

" _Lieb_ " my mom whispered shaking my shoulder slightly "Jean, you want me to call school and tell them you're not going?"

"Yes, please" I said under my covers "thanks mom"

"You still don't want to talk about it?" she said quietly

"No" I sighed pulling my covers enough to look at her in the eyes "sorry"

"It's okay _schätzchen"_ she said petting my hair "but we will talk about it later, I can't stand seen you like this"

"Okay" I fake smiled "thanks"

She kissed me in the forehead and then leaved the room, closing the door behind her.

 _Seven thirty in the morning._

 _I should go back to sleep._

It didn't take much as I expected, I was exhausted, and my headache was enough to make anyone want to stay in bed all day.

At ten in the morning, my headache had almost completely disappeared, but my eyes still burned like hell and I had this horrible angst feeling in my gut.

 _It could be worst..._

 _Yeah right._

 _I can't even lie to myself right now._

 _Things couldn't be worst._

I scratched my eyes furiously and waited to the green lights faded before sitting in my bed.

I looked around to my room: dirty underwear, shirts and pants all over the floor. My desk was full of old sheets, notebooks and a lot of sweet wrappers.

 _I should clean up._

I ignored the thought completely and I searched for my phone under the pillow.

When I unlocked it, I had twelve unread messages, all from Marco's number.

 _Jesus fucks._

I took a deep breath and started to read.

 **20:13 pm**  
 **From: Marcoxox**  
 **Jean I'm sorry.**

 **20:14 pm From: Marcoxox**

' **m an asshole**

 _You are._

 _We both are._

 **20:40 pm**  
 **From: Marcoxox**  
 **everything would be so different now if I wouldn't have be a coward**

 **21:17 pm**  
 **From: Marcoxox**  
 **I should have tell you I liked you**

 **21:18 pm**  
 **From: Marcoxox**  
 **There was no doubts, but still, I tried to ignore it, and failed. I didn't want to hurt Thomas, but apparently I failed in that too.21:36**  
 **From: Marcoxox**  
 **I should have stopped you yesterday.**

 _You should, I needed you to._

 **21:36**  
 **From: Marcoxox**  
 **I should have hugged you till you gave up and hugged me back.**

 **00:55**  
 **From: Marcoxox**  
 **Do you believe in destiny? It's going to sound dumb, but I do. I was looking a way to know you better, and you asked me to be your tutor, it must be** **destiny**

 _What's our destiny? Hurting my friend's feelings? How cute._

 **00:58 am**  
 **From: Marcoxox**  
 **Did I ever tell you how happy I felt when you asked me that? Probably didn't**

 **01:00 am**  
 **From: Marcoxox**  
 **I was so excited the first time I went to your house, I literally change my clothes three times, and when you were hitting your head against the table…god, you looked adorable then, and when you resolve the first problem, I wanted you to hug me...**

 **01:04**  
 **From: Marcoxox**  
 **I'm sorry, you might be sleeping by now, or maybe you're just ignoring all this messages, it doesn't matter, I understand...night Jean, I hope I can see you tomorrow**

 **01:08 am**  
 **From: Marcoxox**  
 **One more thing...I'm not giving up on you, I'll figure this out.**

 _He's not giving up on me?_

 _Even if I already did on him?_

I looked at the screen and my fingers started to write the words that I couldn't say to him yesterday

 **To: Marcoxox**  
 **I like you too and I want to be with you.**

I didn't send the message, I couldn't. I didn't have the balls to do it.

Instead of that, I left my phone in the desk and went to the bathroom to take a long shower before going to the kitchen to eat something. I hadn't eaten anything since yesterday.

My mom wasn't home.

She left a note in the fridge telling me she went to my grandma's house for the day, but she left the lunch in the kitchen table.

"Ok then" I talked to myself leaving my mom's note back in the fridge's door "I am alone...I am home alone with my thoughts...fuck"

I served myself some old cereal with milk and went right to the living room to melt my brain with morning television programs.

I spent the whole morning and a big part of the evening on the sofa, the television was boring as hell and my butt hurt, so I decided to stand up and went to my room to search for my computer. At least there I could find some good music and movies to distract myself with till my mom got home.

When I finally found it, under a bunch of dirty clothes, I noticed that my phone's screen was lighting for an unread text message.

It was from Marco.

I was about to ignored it, but I didn't, I felt guilty enough to add something else to the list.

 **13:37 pm**  
 **From Marcoxox**  
 **I didn't see you in school today, I hope you're okay**. **I' m going to tell Thomas about us right now.**

 _What?_

I watched at the clock, it was two pm in the evening.

 _He already talked to him._

 _Marco told Thomas about us…_

My whole body was trembling, I sat, fell, on the floor and stare the text message till my eyes burned.

 _It can't be real. He didn't do it. He didn't._

I was breathing heavily. I needed air, but my legs didn't responded to my orders, they didn't moved from my chest and they didn't stopped shaking.

 _What did he told Thomas?_

 _That we kissed? Or that we've been having feelings for each other since we first meet? Or that Marco did never really like him?_

 _It can't be real._

I ignored the front's door knocking.

 _My mom has her own keys so anyone else can go fuck themselves right now._

"Jean!" I heard on a familiar voice "open up!"

 _Thomas?_

My heart stopped and also the heavy breathing, all my body stopped when I realized that Thomas was on the front door, even if school didn't have finished yet.

I stand up and went slowly to the living room. I took a deep breath to open the door.

"Thomas" I said before anything "I can—"

"You fucker!" he interrupted me throwing himself to me, making both of us fell in the living room's floor.

He was on top of me.

"Thomas…" I was able to say before he punched me right in the cheek

"It was you!" he said before giving me another punch in the gut

I kicked him in the ribs and punched him in the face so I was able to roll us to stay on top of him.

He threw a fist to my chin making me bite my tongue.

I hit his cheek with my fist and then I dodged the fist that was directed to my face

 _Why I'm defending myself? I deserve this, and even more._

"Asshole" he screamed grabbing my shirt trying to make me fall off him.

I grabbed his wrists and hold them against the floor, he was kicking me to free himself but he was run out of enough strength to do so.

"I'm sorry!" I shouted with all the air that I was holding "I…I'm so sorry"

Thomas stopped kicking.

He looked at me in the eyes, frowning, his right brow was bleeding, just like his lips, and his cheek was already bruised from my punch.

"How could you?" he said with a trembling voice "I thought…I thought you were my best friend"

That phrase hurt like hell, but I hold myself back to not to cry like a baby right there.

"I am your best friend Thomas!" I said releasing his wrists and sitting next to him

"Best friends don't do that Jean" he said straighten up "best friends don't kiss best friend's boyfriends"

 _You two have broke up_

"He kissed me" I said, trying to defend myself, trying to fix a three inches wound with a band-aid

"Did you even try to stop him?"

"Yes!" I said "all the time!"

"And did you liked it?" he asked me looking me at the eyes.

"I…I don't know" I replied

"Jean" he sighed "you liked it? Yes or no"

"Yes" I said "but I-"

"Why you didn't tell me?" he said before I could finish "why none of you two tell me?"

"I didn't wanted to hurt you" I said "none of us wanted to"

He snorted

"I am hurt now, Jean" he said "how would you feel if your whole relationship was based on a mistake? How would you feel if the guy that you date likes your best fucking friend? How would you feel?"

"Like shit" I said sincerely

"I'm glad you understand that" he said before standing up

I stayed there, sitting on the floor, emotionally and physically hurt

"Do you forgive me?" I said

He looked older with the frown he had on his face

"I'll try" he replied from the door's frame

"Are we still friends?" I asked, even though I already knew the answer

"I don't know" he said before closing the door behind him.

 _That was a no._

I lied on the floor looking at the ceiling and crying my heart out right there, just like I did yesterday.

* * *

 **Notes:** Look, you don't need to curse me, I already did that for you when I was editing...I totally forgot that was update day, I saw my clock and was like fuuuuck duuude dskahdkj, well, that's all, BYE


	6. Chapter 6

I am trash.

I am the kind of trash that you can't even smell without gag.

Please throw me away where no one can see me.

I'm begging you.

-o-

 _It's been a day since I lost my best friend._

 _Twelve hours and four minutes to be exact._

 _I've been here lying on my bed since then._

 _It's the only place where I don't fuck things up._

 _It's the only place where I can cry my heart out without even care about what others could think._

Saturday, two am in the morning, and I'm basically done with my life.

 _I need to sleep. I haven't had a decent rest since Wednesday._

I put my headphones on and I let myself drown into the music I had in my phone.

After a couple songs, which are actually not helping me to sleep, _How to save a life_ by _The_ _Fray_ made its way to my ears.

 _I haven't have played much attention to the lyrics of this particular song, I liked the melody, so I download it without thinking about it._

I was catched by the first verse that ended with _"we need to talk",_ you know, like _"I want to break up"_ talk.

I pictured Marco and Thomas immediately, both sitting in the living room of Thomas' house, Marco saying he's confused about his feelings (towards me) and Thomas listening patiently, holding his tears.

From then, the song didn't stop stabbing me in the gut, especially with the chorus _"where did I go wrong, I lost a friend"_

 _Jesus._

 _It's obviously not the same situation, but..._

 _Fuck._

"I can't" I said and I pulled out the headphones of my ears and throw away my phone to the desk.

 _Music is not helping tonight._

 _I can't volume up enough to mute my thoughts._

I stare at my clock.

 _Two thirty am._

 _Even though I'm tired as hell, I can't_ _have five minutes of sweet dreams._

 _I used to text Thomas when this happened._

 _We used to talk till morning, or when one of us were too tired and fell asleep while texting._

 _Yeah._

 _I can't do that now, and I won't in some future either, unless some kind of magic erases all his memories about this situation._

 _It can't stay like this forever._

 _I wouldn't take it._

 _I need to find a way to Thomas to forgive me._

I stayed up the whole night but the only thing I could think about was how many years of friendship I have thrown to the toilet, I remembered how much we've been through.

I remembered the time that we both jumped from the swings for a competition of who would fell far away from the swings. The prize was an ice cream cone.

Thanks to the fall, Thomas broke a tooth, a baby one fortunately, and I scratched my knee with a rock, I still got the scar actually.

We left that competition with our mothers' scolding and with no dignity or ice cream.

Or the night we camped in Thomas' backyard.

We were scared shitless after the horror stories we tell, the crickets and the trees' noises didn't quite help us to go to sleep. We went back inside when we heard a dog howl, thinking it was a werewolf, of course.

 _We had fun that day._

 _I never get bored with Thomas to be honest._

 _We always find something stupid to do._

I yawned after looking at my clock for millionth time on the night

Six minus five minutes

 _Who needs eight hours of sleep?_

 _I would feel like shit without my eye bags anyway._

I got off my bed and went right to the closet and searched for an old hoodie and a pair of sketchers before getting off my house for a morning run.

 _It's not like I'm used to run, or do any kind of exercise, but I'm not bad at it, and it's good for my system, or at least my P.E teacher said so._

I ran for at least thirty minutes before I decided it was enough and went back home and take a shower without my mom to notice.

When I looked at the mirror, I noticed that my chin and cheek were bruised from Friday's fight.

 _I deserve this._

Seven thirty am

I made myself a cup of coffee and sat on the kitchen table, looking at the nothing, with aching legs and heart, making up excuses to not go to school on Monday without my mom asking me why.

I found none.

-o-

"Be safe _lieb_ " my mom said from the doors frame on Monday's morning "everything going to be fine"

"Thanks mom" I sighed starting to walk "see you later"

 _I wish I could say her to stop saying that._

 _Nothing it's going to be okay._

 _I'm going to pass my next two years of high school alone._

 _And it's my entire fault._

I didn't saw Marco way to school. It's good though, because I was not in the mood to his apologies or to give them.

I was not in the mood to live, if I'm honest.

When I got to the classroom, I went right to the final desk, the one that no one wants because you are the first suspect when something happens.

 _I wish I could do something to be suspended, or expulsed._

Connie and Sasha made their way to their seats, laughing and playing with each other, till they saw me.

"Jean!" Sasha said, screamed, running in my direction with Connie by her side "what happened to your face? Why you didn't pick up your phone?"

I was surprised

"Thomas didn't tell you?" I asked

"Tell us what?" Connie said, raising an eyebrow "it...it this has something to do with Thomas running out of the cafeteria on Friday's afternoon?"

"Y-Yeah" I sighed "look, long story short I..."

"Jean" I heard a familiar voice call my name, Thomas was right next to Sasha

 _When did he arrive?_

"Can I talk to you for a bit?" He continued pointing at the classroom's door

"S-Sure" I babbled "sorry guys"

"'s okay" they both said tensed

Thomas and I made our way to the hallway. He rested his arms on his chest and turned around to face me.

I tensed up and started to breath heavily.

"Please don't freak out" he said

"Sorry" I said, raising my shoulders in surprise

"Look" he continued "I-I've been thinking about this a lot, and there's many things I want you to know, and I can't say it here, so please come to my place today"

"I-I...okay" I stuttered looking him with both of my eyebrows raised

"Okay" he sighed "see you then"

"Yeah" I sighed back before he entered to the classroom

I sat on the floor and lead my legs to my chest.

 _He talked to me._

 _He wants me to go to his place._

 _What he wants me to know?_

 _Did he forgive me?_

 _What if he figured out he don't want to be my friend anymore?_

 _..._

 _This is going to be a long day_  
-o-

"How are you?" Thomas said from the sofa while I was sitting in front of him in the little couch

"I-I'm good" I replied

"Bullshit" he said "you feel like shit, don't you?"

"...yeah" I sighed

"Why you always try to hide your feelings from me, Jean?" He said "why you don't trust me?"

"It's not like that" I said "I do trust you, it's just...I don't want to make you worry"

"You are always worrying about me being worried" he said looking at his hands "I am not a kid, Jean. You don't need to protect me from the evilness"

I raised my eyebrows

"I know" I said "but...you have other things to worry beside me and how I feel all the time"

"That's my line" he said looking at me "Why you didn't tell me you were having feelings about Marco?"

I didn't say anything. I didn't even could make up a lie to him.

"You didn't want to hurt me" he responded before I looked him in the eyes, nodding "Jean, I don't know if you noticed, but things turned a little worst"

"I'm sorry" I said "I'm really-"

"No" he interrupted me, frowning "stop apologizing, it's not your fault" I looked at him surprised, he took a deep breath and relaxed his expression "you should have said something, but...I should have noticed too, I mean, come on, have you ever noticed the glances that Marco gave you when we were on hallways?" I denied it, he sighed "well, I did, but I misunderstood it and though that that glances were directed to me, that's why when he came to us, I asked him to a date...if I had known, if I had noticed...things would be different now"

"It wouldn't" I said "it wouldn't because you would be hurt anyways, me being with Marco means hurting your feelings"

"Jean, stop!" He shouted making me jump in my seat "stop caring about me for five seconds and think about your own happiness, you like Marco way more than I ever did, so does he, I wouldn't have been hurt because I would be able to see you laughing like an idiot with the one that you like"

He relaxed his muscles then, his back lowered a little and his head was facing the floor now

"I want you to be happy" he said after a couple of minutes of silence "and if Marco makes you happy, well, go for it, don't even think about me, I...I'll be fine"

"I can't do it" I said "not after this, I just...can't"

He stood up from his seat and sit in the coffee table in front of me, our legs touching

"I'll be fine" he said putting his hand in my shoulders "please, I want you to be fine, and you somehow look shittier than before"

I chuckled

It felt like if were years since I laughed for last time

"I'll be fine only knowing that you forgive me" I said looking at him, my eyes burned "knowing that we will have our movie nights and eat junk food whenever we want to, only knowing that I'll have our friendship back, that's all I need to be fine"

He pulled me into his arms and hugged me with all his strength

"You cheesy motherfucker" he said into my shoulder "of course I forgive you, you idiot, you're my best friend"

I hold him with the same strength and hide on his neck, I felt the weight I've been carrying fell off my shoulders.

 _Everything's fine now_

 _I have my best friend back_

 _I have my brother back._

 _Everything's okay now._

We spent the rest of the afternoon watching movies and talking about how sexy Chris Pratt was on Guardians of the Galaxy, although we already loved him as Andy from Parks and Rec.

We didn't mention Marco again.

I have decided to erase him of my life.

 _Ever since he made his appearance, everything went downhill._

 _He made me anxious and I feel uneasy when I'm around him._

 _It's better off this way._

 _He would forget me easily anyway_

 _I bet he already give up on me._

 _It's better off this way._

* * *

 **Notes** : The end

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(Yeah right, see ya next week)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes: Reviews responses** (seriously, you guys need to leave reviews with account so I can love you in private ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ….. okno)  
Mystery Dancer, YAY indeed! (≧∇≦)/ I hope your floor to be soft though, I have fallen from chairs and is not quite pleasant, hope you keep enjoying the fic :D

* * *

 **Graduation ceremony,**

 _It's been a year since the last time I talked properly to Marco._

 _And today, it's the last time I see him._

 _He's graduating now._

 _That means that I'll be a senior in just a couple of months, and, in a year or so, I'll be where he is now, graduating, I'll go to college, and then get a job, a house, a couple of cats, and then probably die alone because I never found a significant other…_

 _Or I could be totally wrong and maybe I'll find someone much better than Marco and be happily ever after._

 _Yeah._

I couldn't ignore him, and the lump in my throat, when he stood up from his seat t to receive his diploma from the principal's own hands, they hugged each other, tears running on Marco's cheeks, happy tears; he was so fucking happy. He waved to his mom, who was in the crowd and she waved him back, blowing her nose after. She was so proud of her son.

 _And I'm proud of him too, to be honest._

 _Even if Thomas, Connie and Sasha, told me to go for it, to go after him, I never did it, I just never felt like it._

 _I was fine without him._

 _I am fine without him._

 _I mean, the first couple of weeks were tough as hell, Marco tried to talk to me, several times, but I never let him. I ignored him completely._

 _Did I felt like the worst kind of trash in this planet?_

 _Yes, of course I did._

 _But, it was for the better._

 _It was the better for both of us._

 _I needed to everything go back to normal, and if that meant to erase Marco from my life, I was going to do it._

 _Thomas and I were fine with each other after a couple of days, and Connie and Sasha…well, they never stopped being the same._

 _My mom was right._

 _Everything was okay._

The principal gave his speech, honoring the best students, one of them Marco, who looked around from the stage, and I tried to avoid his eyes when his eyes passed close to me, even thought I knew he would do the same.

 _He'll be fine._

 _He was fine before knowing about my existence._

 _He'll have lots of new friends in college_

 _He'll find someone who can make him happy._

 _Yep._

 _I'm totally fine with it._  
 _..._

 _Or I would be, if it wasn't for the fucking letter that Marco left in my locker yesterday._

 _He wants to meet me in the school yard when the ceremony ends._

 _He wants to say goodbye before he left to university._

 _It's my last chance to make things up with him._

 _To let him know I never wanted this, I never wanted to ignore him._

 _To let him know that I missed him, and that, now that he's going, I'm going to miss him even more._

 _No, fuck no._

 _I'm not going to ruin this again, I refuse to do it._

 _I'm going to go there, shake hands with him and wish him good luck with whatever he wants to do in the future._

 _I'll never have to deal with Marco's situation again._

 _Yes, I'm going to do it._

"Congratulations, 2016 generation" the principal said.

And with that phrase, the whole audience stood up, and started to getting out of the gym, Marco was one of the first ones who left, he looked at my with the corner of his eyes before crossing the exit door.

 _Yes, I'm going to do it._

"Jean, are you coming or what?" Connie said when he noticed I hadn't move from my seat

"Oh, yeah, just...hold on a second, I'm going to the toilet, I'll be back in a minute"

"Jeez" Connie winced "hurry up!"

"Ok, ok" I said running through the door, just to face an insane amount of people, I couldn't even give one step without pushing someone "oh, excuse me, I...uhm, need to..."

"You're going to the toilet?" an old lady said with a smile on her face.

"Yes" I answered, red like a tomato "sorry"

"No problem dear" she said stepping back, giving me the enough space to get out of there.

I ran to the spot where Marco said in his letter he was going to be, on the bench that was just next to the lilies, his favorites (not that I have known that from Thomas).

I stopped when I saw him, my legs didn't respond. I just was able to stay there, in the corner of the building, watching him like a psycho.

He was in a tuxedo, probably was wearing it under his toga the whole time, his diploma next to him and I think he was holding something on his hands, he looked around several times, looking for me to arrive, and it made me cringe.

I hold my breath, maybe this would help me to not be noticed, or to stop the stomach ache I felt, I don't know.

"Hey, Jean" I heard Thomas, who was behind me.

My heart stopped before I noticed that he couldn't see Marco from there, I took a deep breath, and I looked at Marco's back one last time before facing Thomas.

His smile was replaced by a frown when he saw my expression.

"What's wrong?"

"I think I just saw Levi and Erwin kissing right there" I lied wincing.

"Oh my god" he laughed again "did you take a picture?"

"I couldn't! But, believe me, I will never forget that" I fake smiled

"Oh, poor soul, well, I know what can make you feel better" he said pointing to his back "we're going to eat pizza with Connie and Sasha before going to my place to watch a movie"

"Cool" I said "don't let Sasha order the pizza though, no one wants to pass through that again"

"I still think that the cashier exaggerated" he said

"Sasha climbed the inn" I said "the security guy got punched at least twice by her, the cashier didn't exaggerate"

"Oh right, we better get going then" he said starting to walk

I sighed before dropping an authentic smile and followed my friend.

 _Marco will be fine._

 _He probably already left by now._

 _I'll never see him again._  
-o-  
 **A year later...**

-o-  
"What?" I said arching an eyebrow to Thomas, who was next to my mom, sitting on the sofa in front of me.

"What does it say?" he said while my mom was biting her under lip in sign of expectation

"Oh" I sighed with the package hanging of my hand "I got in, I'm going to Shiganshina"

My mom took her hands to her mouth and started to cry, she stood up from the sofa and went in my direction to grab me from the neck, babbling words with no sense, I felt some tears in my t-shirt, she was crying of happiness I guess.

"Mom" I said patting her back "it's not a big deal"

"What?" Thomas shouted getting up of his seat to put his hands on my shoulders shaking them "you were accepted in one of the best universities of the district, and _"it's not a big deal_ "? Wake the fuck up!"

I frowned at him

"What is wrong with you, it's only college, it's not like...I got in...In Shinagina..." my mouth dropped

"That's what I was looking for" he said dropping his head to look at the floor before looking at me again "a normal reaction"

I was frozen, the tears I felt in my cheeks were not supposed to be there, I was sure I was going to be accepted, but knowing and having a fucking paper that tell you so, are two different things.

"Are you happy now?" I sniffed punching his shoulder

"Of course I am" he laughed hugging my free side, I was the jam of the sandwich now "congrats you asshole, you made it"

"Yeah" I sighed embracing them with all my strength "I'm going to college"

 _I am going to fucking college..._

 _Fuck, I didn't thought about this very well._

-o-

"Take care _schatz_ " my mom said, for millionth time "are you sure you don't want me to drop you? It's not a problem, actually, yeah, I m going to get my keys and..."

"Mom" I interrupted her holding her shoulders, squishing them slightly "relax, I'm going to be fine, it's only a two hours drive to the uni, I'll call you when I get there 'kay?"

She couldn't hide her red eyes, at this point, tears were inevitable.

"Mom" I sighed, embracing her so she could rest her head in my chest "You could go with your friends to those shit-knit courses of yours, you could do anything without worrying about me or if I already eat or, anything like that"

"But I like worrying about those things" she sniffed in my shirt "you're my Jean-bo"

I kissed her in the top of her head.

"I'm not going to war mom" I said "I'll visit you every month, and I'll be here for holidays, I'll call you every weekend and..."

"Everyday" she corrected me "you'll call me everyday"

"Every two days" I replied looking at her in the eye

"Deal" she smiled kissing my cheek "now go, before I change my mind"

"Sure mom" I said in the door's frame "bye"

"Love you" she said drying her imminent tears

"Love you too" I smiled closing the door.

I stayed there, taking a deep breath and holding myself to not to go back inside to hug her one last time.

-o-

I looked at the map for millionth time before looking around again, trying to find a coincidence with both of them.

 _Where am I?_

 _Is this supposed to be a campus or a fucking country?_

 _Where the fuck is..._

"Are you okay there bud?" I heard someone behind me said.

"Agh" I yelped turning around to see a big chest instead of a face "yeah I'm okay...I mean, no...Oh, fuck it, I'm lost"

The blond guy laughed

"Freshman, uh?" he said putting his huge hand on my shoulder, I nodded, a little nervous if I had to admit "it's okay, everyone's been there, now, what school?"

"Visual arts" I said

"We had a new Picasso here" he said "nice, really nice career, my boyfriend's there too, what's your room?"

"Uhm, wait" I said to myself when I put my hand in my pocket looking for the piece of paper "oh, here it is, dorm E, room 203"

"No shit" he said taking the paper off my hand "dude, this is where my boyfriend lives. I can't believe they give you the room and not me, fuck, maybe I snore too much? Nah that's impossible, maybe that fucker of..."

I raised an eyebrow.

I couldn't believe what was happening right now.

I coughed in my hand and he stopped muttering.

"Sorry, but I'd like to actually get to find my room and rest a while after my two hour drive" I said "you'll help me or not?"

He startled for a minute before react to my serious face

"Ok, ok, sorry" he giggled when he took the bag that was next to my feet without great effort "geez, you have a quick temper, what's your name?"

"Jean, Jean Kirschtein" I replied, blushing like an idiot "what's yours?"

"Reiner Braun" he smiled giving me the back, starting to walk "come on, your dorm is not that far from here"

"Thanks" I muttered following his steps

"What?" Reiner said out loud turning his head to me.

"I said thanks!" I said, shouted.

"You're welcome, Kirschtein" he smiled before giving me the back again.

 _He seems like a nice guy, well, when you get over the fact he's kind of an asshole._

 _..._

 _Wait_.

 _Did I just…describe myself?_

 _Wow._

 _I need to work on that…_

 _Nah, maybe one day I will._

After a twenty minutes walk, full of Reiner questions and my short replies, we were about to enter the E dorm, when something, and by something I mean someone, catched my sight.

Tall guy, dark hair, blue hoodie, dork glasses, hands full of books and papers.

 _What the fuck is he doing here?_

Marco fucking Boldt was walking in the same direction than I was.

 _Shit._

* * *

 **Notes:** *hysterical laugh*

PS: Sorry for the little delay, I forgot to translate and a couple of friends were talking to me and (I sounded popular wtf) anyway, here it is, and I hope you don't hate me :D


	8. Chapter 8

Sorry for the delay ╮(─▽─)╭ , my vacations finished last week and some other things happened and I had this HUGE BLOCK so I couldn't finish the chapter until today…that's basically all,….I hope you enjoy!

* * *

"Fuck" I said under my breath

"What?" Reiner said holding the door for me

"Uh-I-nothing!" I fake smiled "this place it's huge as fuck"

Reiner raised an eyebrow before smiling.

"It is" he sighed looking around "you'll get used to it, now come on, the elevators are over here"

"Okay" I said before giving another look to Marco's direction, he was with a blond, short guy, laughing. He had a subtle red tone over his cheeks.

 _Just...keep walking_

"Jean, come on, move that ass of yours!" Reiner shouted from the other side of the hall

Many eyes where over me now, I know I blushed.

"I'm coming!" I said, shouted, starting to walk again and looking to the floor "Can you please be silent?"

-o-

Monday.

Aka. Shit day.

 _Why every bad thing happens on Mondays?_

 _Like, classes, diets, the week itself._

 _I am not ashamed to be called a grumpy bastard when it comes to Mondays._

 _I am a grumpy bastard most of the time to be honest._

I spent the free week I had before the classes started talking to Thomas through Skype, listening to my mom crying on the phone and catching up with Bertholdt, I mean Bert, the giant puppy with whom I live.

He's pretty nice, and after I got over his nervous being, I actually noticed that he was really funny too, so does Reiner, who didn't leave the room till last night.

 _I don't know if I could call them friends though._

 _Actually, when are you allowed to call someone "your friend"?_

 _I mean, I have friends, I know how it feels, or rather how it is, and Reiner and Bert feels that way, less than Thomas, or Connie, or Sash, but close to it._

 _It's that okay?_

 _Feeling that comfortable with people I've known for a week, it's that okay?_

I heard my phone alarm.

 _Eight forty, I need to go before it gets too late._

I grabbed my bag and an old cap and I was on my way to my very first university class.

Fortunately, Reiner has already indicated me where my classes were, so I wouldn't get lost on this big ass building.

When I got into the classroom, there weren't many free seats left, so I decided to do the best thing I know and I went to the back of the room and sat there alone.

I could notice that there were many students who talked to each other, maybe they knew each other before, or maybe, unlike me, they were actually comfortable with other humans.

I sighed deeply.

 _Maybe I should talk to somebody._

 _This is not high school anymore._

 _There must be someone who worth to talk to it in this class._

My thoughts were interrupted when a girl who was stand in front of me.

Blond hair, almost white, greeny eyes and catty features.

"Hi" she said sitting next to me "is this seat occupied?"

"Now it is" I said raising an eyebrow

You always need to be a sarcastic asshole, don't you?

"Great" she said with a smirk, extending her hand "I'm Hitch"

"Uhm" I said shaking her hand "Jean"

"Freshman, huh" she said

"Yeah, you aren't?" I replied, trying to, surreptitiously, free my hand

"Nah" she said freeing my limb before leaning his cheek on her hand "Second year, but I failed this class, and others, so I need to take them again"

"Oh" I simply said

How can you fail a class like this? It's like the one the university gave you to pass.

"Hitch!" said a guy from the door "you were supposed to wait for me"

"I got bored!" She said playing with her hair

"I went to the bathroom for least than five minutes for god sake" the guy said before noticing my existence "oh, hi, who's this"

"This" Hitch said pointing me and with a grin on her face "is Gin, freshman"

"Actually" I said "it's Jean, Kirschtein, and you are?"

"Marlo" he said shaking my hand before sitting behind us "did you guys already know each other?"

"No" we both said in unison

"She would at least remember how to pronounce my name" I said

"Ugh" she said "I'm not going to apologize for something that your parents had the blame on"

I raised an eyebrow

"Ignore that, she's like that sometimes" he said looking at his friend, she smiled angelically, or at least she tried "and by sometimes, I mean always"

My frown disappeared when Hitch hit Marlo on the head and they started a mini fight before the teacher got into the room and looked at them with contempt

"You two again?" the teacher said "well, please don't corrupt another student"

"I don't promise anything" Hitch said looking at me with a smirk while Marlo sighed behind us.

Maybe this class will not be so boring after all.

After a whole hour of writing and many, many, yawns that idea went to the trash.

"When will this end?" I whispered to Hitch, who was conveniently waking up from her nap

"In twenty minutes" she said looking at her cell phone.

"Fuck" I said

"Indeed" she replied straighten up "what class you have after this?"

"Introduction to contemporary art, with Hanji Zoe"

"Lucky" Marlo said from behind

"You think so?" Hitch said "that was one of the most boring classes"

"Yeah I know" Marlo replied "but they're an awesome teacher, believe me, you're going to enjoy it"

 _He used they, what does it mean?_

"They're non-binary" Hitch said "they're nuts, but cool"

"So" I said "they're not a man, not a woman, just a person"

"Exactly" Marlo said

"I have my doubts about the person part though" Hitch laughed

"Cut the talk back there!" the teacher shouted

"Sorry" we three said

After twenty long more minutes, I was free for ten minutes before heading to my other class.

I said goodbye to Hitch and Marlo, who were going to their second year's class, and before they left, Hitch gave me her number in a little piece of paper and told me, demanded, to text her in the afternoon.

 _Should I tell her that, basically, I'm gay?_

 _Maybe later._

-o-

Thanks to the fact the it is a huge ass university and my almost null sense of orientation, I walked for at least twenty minutes before finally find my classroom.

 _Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._

 _I'm ten minutes late, fuck._

I opened the door and the first thing I saw was a pile of books with a couple of legs

"Uhm" I said "sorry I'm late, is this Hanji's class?"

"Jean?" the pile of books said

"Ah?" I said when the person behind moved the books away and I was able to see his face "Marco?!"

 _What the fuck._

 _It can't be real._

 _No._

 _Please no._

"Ah" said, what I suppose was my teacher "You spoiled my big surprise kid!"

"Sorry" I said heading to my seat, trying to ignore the thousand of eyes that were in me

"Well, as now is known, this is Marco, college student by day, my cute sex slave by night"

"Please, Hanji" Marco laughed, looking through the room, spotting his eyes on me "I'm Marco Boldt, I'm Hanji's assistant, if you have any doubts about the class, please talk to me"

Murmurs were heard all above the classroom, lots of girly voices, sighing in pro of their new target.

"Oh please Marco, tell us about yourself" Hanji said

"Well" Marco said "I'm in second year, I like reading, movies, music, and..."

"Are you single?" said someone above the voices

Marco blushed

"Okay, everyone, he's mine!" Hanji said holding Marco from the neck and kissing his cheek while Marco tried to escape

"I'm not yours!" Marco said drying his cheek "you´re like, fifteen years older"

"Pain!" Hanji said putting a hand on their chest "I don't think I can handle the sorrow"

Everybody laughed, except me, I was too concentrated in the fact that Marco was there and his eyes were on me the whole time.

"Hanji, you need to start the class" Marco said patting their back

"Okay" they sniffed "but I'm talking to you later"

"Right, right" Marco laughed.

The class passed by, and with that, my will to live.

Suddenly I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket

 **From: Rainer**

 **11:22 am**

 **Ey bitch, want to lunch with me and Bert?**

 **To: Rainer**

 **11:23 am**

 **When and where fuker**

I waited for his answer until Hanji said we were free to leave. I grabbed my bag and, literally ran out of the classroom.

I ran out of the building and stopped when I realized that I was too far away to Marco to reach me.

 _I think I'm safe now..._

 _Well, till next class with Hanji._

 _Fuck_

I checked my phone to see Reiner's reply.

 **From: Rainer**

 **11:25 am**

 **E's cafeteria, dickhead.**

With a storm in my brain, my legs moved automatically and I suddenly got into a seat outside the cafeteria, surrounded of others students, and I could do nothing to shut them, I just sit there and thought about the possibilities.

 _Okay Kirschtein, calm the fuck down._

 _It's been two years, you got over him._

 _He got over you._

For some reason, that idea hurt more than I expected.

 _Look, he's your teacher's assistant, so what?_

 _It means nothing._

 _Yeah, you don't have to talk to him._

 _Just ignore him like you did two years ago._

"Jean!" I heard someone called me from behind.

Marco.

 _Fuck_

I turned around and, like always, I ignored the logic and followed my stupidity.

"Hi" I said standing up, trying to play it cool

"Hi" he breathed smiling like an idiot, I'm not complaining though, it was cute "I was looking for you-you-where you-why are you here?"

"Uhm, studying?" I said smiling

 _God, why he smell so good?_

 _Fuck, stop it, you got over him._

"Yeah" he said blushing "I mean, of course, what I meant was, what career?"

"Visual arts" I replied "you?"

"Math" he said

"So, you're going to be a teacher?" I smiled

"Yeah" he replied scratching his neck "I, uhm, the tutoring thing in high school made me realize that I'm good at it and that I love it too"

"Nice" I said "so, what were you doing in Hanji's class?"

"I help them with fresh men, they're my Calculus teacher and it helps me to, you know, actually teaching"

"That's...great Marco"

 _Why am I feeling so calmed?_

 _He's Marco for fuck sake._

 _The guy who kissed me when my best friend was his boyfriend._

"So, how are you?" he asked "it's been like, two years? You like it here? Have you made any friend yet?"

"Yeah, I-I'm...good, I do like it here, it's huge though" I babbled "I have made a friend, or-maybe two actually- I'm waiting for him, I-I mean for lunch, I live with his boyfriend, so it's, yeah...how are you?"

Marco laughed, his perfect and soft laugh penetrated my ears and I swear to god I almost lost it.

"I'm good too, I actually have this friend, Armin" he said smiling "he's a pretty good guy, I would love to introduce you two, I mean if you want to"

 _So the doll's name is Armin_

"That would be nice" I said before we heard someone shouting

"There you are, Marco!" a blond, tiny guy, Armin pointed at his wrist

"Shoot" Marco said turning back to me "I totally forgot, Jean, I need to go, I..."

"See you in Hanji's class?" I interrupted his babbling

"Sure" he said looking at the floor "and, uhm..."

"What is it?"

"It's okay if I text you one of these days?"

He still has my number?

I deleted his when he came to college, I still remember it though.

"Sure" I smiled "it would be...nice"

"Great" he said starting to walk waving at me "see you"

"Yeah" I sighed "bye"

"Dude" Reiner said, making me give a jump and a yelp in surprise "who was that?"

"Jesus" I said looking at Marco's back, my stomach give a little turn when I saw him turn around to my direction and smile before disappear into the building "Marco, we went to the same high school"

"I see" Reiner said when I turned to him "ex?"

"Wha-no" I stuttered avoiding his eyes "my best friend's"

"Are you sure?" he said "there's a lot of sexual tension between you two"

"S-shut up" I said blushing "there was nothing between us, and it never will"

"Why?" he asked

I looked at him in the eye raising an eyebrow

"Because" I said "he's my best friend's ex"

"Exactly" he smiled "ex, so there's nothing between them, and, if I'm allowed to point it out, he's fucking hot"

I startled

"You have a boyfriend, remember?" I said raising an eyebrow

"Oh no, don't misunderstand me" he said waving a hand "Marco's hot, but Bert is a God, and in bed he is-"

"Stop" I shouted covering my ears "I don't want to know, I have to live with him, please don't"

Reiner laughed

"Oh please" he said "like if you never..."

He stopped when I looked at my feet and bite my lip

"You" he said in a quieter voice "you never , don't you?"

"No" I said looking at him in the eye "I never have, and probably I never will because I never have been in a relationship and if you're going to make fun of me I swear to God I..."

"Whoa, easy there" he interrupted me "I'm not going to make fun of you, why would I?"

I frowned

"Because I never...have"

"So?" He said putting his hands in his sides "dude, you have, what, eighteen? There are people who never have till their thirties, you have nothing to be ashamed of, I mean it"

My expression and my shoulders relaxed.

"Besides" he continued "like I told you, you're probably will end making out with that Marco guy in some party anyways, I'm serious, are you sure nothing happened between you two?"

"I'm going to-Rei-no, and stop asking that" I stuttered "I'm not going to make out with Marco, never"

"Okay, If you're so sure" he said crossing his arms on his chest "let's make a bet"

"A bet?" I asked

"Yeah" he said "you see, there's a party next weekend"

"What party?" I said before receiving a malefic smirk from him

 _This is not going to end well._

* * *

Hanji is non-binary person cause there was never a confirmation about their sex, even if in the anime they're were represented as a woman (im not complaining though, they at least showed they're rare self)

I hope you have enjoyed, I'm going to bed now...it's two in the morning and I'm dying :D


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes** : It's been, 6 months uh..hi.

* * *

"What party?" I repeated myself to get an answer from my jackass friend.

"I'm throwing a party next Saturday" he said "to celebrate a new year and all that shit, everyone's going, Marco will too"

"You'll invite him?" I asked "you don't even know him"

"But _you_ _do_ " he smirked "it's going to be easy to you to invite him"

 _Easy my balls._

"No," I said "besides, I'm not going to your super party"

"Oh, you're going to my super party"

I raised an eyebrow.

"What makes you so sure?" I asked.

"I'm throwing the party on your dorm" he said crossing his arms on his chest "Bert said it'll be okay"

"You motherfucker" I sighed dropping my head back "when were you going to tell me?"

"I imagined you'd noticed at one point" he smirked.

"Ok" I said scratching my forehead "I'm forced to go, but Marco isn't"

"Oh, you want me to invite him for you then?" Reiner said "what can I tell him? 'Hey Marco, Jean's too horny to call you by himself, want to come on Saturday to calm his thirst'?"

"Okay!" I shouted, gaining a couple of looks from others students "so he's going too, that doesn't mean I'll make out with him"

"That's the bet" he smiled "if you two make out in my party, I win"

"You win what, exactly?" I asked

"The satisfaction of being right" he said. I frowned "and you leaving the room free to me and Bert three nights per week, whenever _I want_ "

"And if I win, and I'm not saying that I agree to your bet, what would be my prize?"

"You actually think you're going to win?" Reiner said "all the booze, the music, the lights, there are meant to people to make out"

"I want to know my prize Reiner" I said

"My porn collection" Reiner smiled and I winced "and free lunches for the rest of the year, anything on the menu, my treat"

I actually thought about it.

 _Maybe Marco would say no._

 _Or maybe he'll bring Armin and make out with him._

 _Free_ _lunches_ _save_ _me_ _enough_ _money_ _for_ _anything_ _I_ _want,_ _like_ _art_ _supplies._

"Okay" I said holding out a hand "we have a bet"

"Cool" he said shaking our hands "now, let's eat, I'm starving and Bert's probably waiting for us already"

"Sure" I said following him to the inside of the cafeteria, where it was the most delicious smell of fries and meat.

-o-

After a tiring, and mentally exhausting day, the quiet and privacy of my room was utopic.

Of course it wouldn't last long, since my brain is an asshole, my thoughts were basically why the hell do I got in the same university as Marco-freaking freckled Jesus-Boldt.

 _Is it really that bad though?_

 _I mean, I like Marco…as a person…he's a good person._

 _He said he wanted to talk to catch up._

 _Does that mean he missed me?_

 _No, maybe he says that to everyone._

 _Maybe he's dating Armin, he want to us to meet, like when the family meets the boyfriend thing._

 _I never got to done it._

 _Do I ever going to introduce a boyfriend to my mom? How would be her reaction?_

 _She liked Marco, she asked about him when Thomas didn't mentioned him anymore._

 _Why am I thinking about Marco again? Jesus._

I, accidentally, slapped my eyes with my hand when I let it fall into my face.

My cringing was interrupted for ringtone coming out of my phone.

I grabbed it from my desk, a little nervous to be honest, considering the possibility of Marco texting me made my stomach curl in a nod.

After a moment I realized that it wasn't him, it was a call from Thomas instead, my heart came back to my chest and I could breathe regularly again.

"Hey" I said with a smile that I'm sure Reiner would make fun of.

"Heey Jean-bo" Thomas said, or shouted, from the other side of the line "how's college? Do you miss us? Did you cried again?"

I smiled again, because yeah, I fucking missed them and the fact that I can't grab his head and nudged it, made my throat hurt.

Of course he, and no one back on town, needs to know that, it would only make them worry about me, and no one wants that.

So, I did the best thing I know.

Lie.

"Tommy!" I said "college? Pretty good actually, miss you? Maybe, and, please, you cried too, I saw you, you miss me too"

"Miss you?" he said "nah, I have no ass to beat up on Xbox though, I miss that"

"Wow" I said faking hurt in my voice "thanks man, I'm gonna go now-"

"We miss you here idiot, quite a lot"

I bit my lip

"I miss you too, asshole" I said in a quiet voice

"What's the matter?" he asked

My eyebrows rose until they reached my hairline.

"Nothing" I said, too quickly "I mean, hard day, classes and all, yeah, a second year gave me her number today, I don't know how to tell her that I'll never be interested, I also eat with Reiner, did you know he can put three fries into one nostril without sneeze? It's quite gross, but awesome in some kind of way, also-"

"Jean" he interrupted me "spit it out already"

"It's nothing" I said "I saw someone from school today"

"Really" Thomas said "from our class, or who?"

"Not from our class" I said

"Then who?" he repeated himself

"...Marco" I whispered

"Marco?" he said, shouted "like, _Marco_?"

"Yes, _Marco_ , Marco Boldt" I said

"Wow" he breathed "the world is a tissue"

 _Yeah, I wish that it wasn't_

"Yeah, he's an assistant in my history class"

"How is he?" Thomas asked

"He's good" I responded "he's studying Math, he's going to be teacher, he asked me a lot of questions" I laughed, remembering his face "like, how I'm doing, or if I already have friends here or...well, he also asked me if he could text me or call me, to catch up"

"And what did you said?" Thomas asked

"I said it was okay" I sighed "I-I don't know, I don't know how to feel about this"

"It's been two years Jean"

"I know" I said holding out a hand in exasperation "and I don't know why I can't stop thinking about it and the fact that apparently—"

 _Fuck, I said too much, I said too much._

"Apparently what?" Thomas said

"Apparently" I sighed "I still have…feelings for him"

"Oh" he breathed

"Oh" I repeated

"Well, it's not something bad you now?" Thomas said "it doesn't have to be like last time, maybe this is your chance to be happy"

"He might be dating with someone" I said "this-doll face-Armin kid, and, I don't know man, why the hell is he in the same university"

"He told you he's dating whit him?"

"…no" I said

"Then don't be an idiot and ask him" he said "dude, this is your second chance to have Marco's hands in your butt, don't waste it!"

"What a great inspiration" I said "ugh, maybe I should, or maybe I could ignore him completely and be fine with the doubt"

Before he could answer me, or insult me, my phone vibrated on my ear.

"Fuck" I hissed

"What was that" he asked

I looked at my phone and my mouth opened slightly.

"Marco" I said with the eyes wide open "Marco texted me"

"Wow" Thomas said "OK Jean-bo, got to go now, good luck"

"Seriously" I said "you've got to go now?"

"Yeah" he laughed "mom called me to dinner, you know how she is, so, talk to you later, and remember, don't be an asshole"

"Ok" I laughed back "bye Tommy"

"Bye Jean-bo" he said before hung up

I looked around, I realized I haven't had turned the light on.

 _It's too late to doing it now though._

I took a deep breath and unlocked my phone to answer Marco's message.

 **From: Marco**  
 **Hi :) how was your day?**

I didn't responded right away, because, of course, I needed to make him think that I had other things to do rather than stare at that text message for five minutes.

 **To: Marco**

 **Hey,** **it** **was** **okay,** **how** **was** **yours?**

 **From: Marco**

 **Pretty** **good** **:)!** **I have** **new** **professor,** **scary** **man** **D:**

Before I could even reply to that with a text laugh, Marco surprised me again.

 **From: Marco**

 **And...well, I was glad of** **seeing** **you Jean :)**

 _Ok, how the fuck am I supposed to respond to that?_

 _"I was glad of seeing you too"_

 _"Thanks man"_

 _"Ok"_

 _Jesus._

 **To: Marco**

 **Yeah, I was surprised**

 _I was surprised?_

 _I WAS SURPRISED?_

 _You haven't seen each other in two years, you might have feeling for him, and the only—_

 _I'm done with myself._

 **From: Marco:**

 **It was a good surprise though? D:**

 _What a dork, fuck._

 **To: Marco**

 **Yeah it was, I also got to see Armin, from the distance**

 **From: Marco**

 **Oh yeah, he's quieter than that, promise**

 **To: Marco**

 **It's ok, he seemed nice, and how long have you been together?**

 _You did it._

 _You asked him._

 _Why the fuck you did it?_

 **From: Marco**

 **Together?**

 **From: Marco**

 **Oh no! We're just friends, nothing between us.**

 **To: Marco**

 **Sorry...**

 **From: Marco**

 **Its okay :), he's a nice guy but…no, I would really like you to meet him though :(**

 _Ok Kirschtein, it's your chance, you got to invite him now._

 _But, how?_

" _I could meet him in the party, yes the party"_

" _Hey, you, Armin, party Saturday night in my dorm, come"_

 _This is not going to end well._

 **To: Marco**

 **You know, Reiner, my roommate's boyfriend, is throwing a party this Saturday, you could come and bring Armin, that way I could met him**

 _Ugh that sounded a little too rushed, smother it out._

 **To: Marco**

 **I mean, only if you can, and want to…**

 _Nice Jean._

 _Really smooth._

 **From: Marco**

 **Really? I could and I want to :), I'd love to go Jean, do I have to bring something?**

 **To: Marco**

 **Oh no!, don't worry about that, I'll send you the details later, I have to go dinner now**

 **From: Marco**

 **All right! Talk to you later, bye Jean :)**

 **To: Marco**

 **Bye Marco :)**

I got out of my room, the TV was the only illumination of the living room, and I could see Reiner and Bert's heads over the couch edge.

"I did it" I said making Bert jump like a cat and Reiner to look at me, surprised too "I invited Marco over for Saturday"

"Great" he said looking at me over his shoulder "what size of condoms you want me to buy then?"

"I hope you have enough money for two lunches for the rest of the year" I said before flip him off and entering to my room again and lying against the door "fuck"

* * *

Next chapter, NOW


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes** : there are a lots of fucks in this chapter.

* * *

"Jean" I heard when I was half asleep, Reiner's 'sweet' voice penetrated my ears at seven in the morning, Wednesday "Jean, breakfast almost ready, get your ass here!"

I rubbed my eyes with the back of my hand, my back bones cracked when I sat in my bed, my morning breath was horrific, and my hair had a big cowlick that it wasn't going to get down very soon. Everything was normal.

But, I had a strange feeling, for some reason I was in peace even though I haven't had slept almost the whole night.

"Nice eye bags!" Reiner said from the kitchen table while Bert was doing breakfast.

"Don't you have your own dorm?" I frowned when I sat down in front of him.

"Not a morning person, uh" he smiled pouring coffee in my mug.

"You noticed?" I responded sarcastically taking a sip and biting my tongue afterwards "agh, id hod"

"Of course it's hot, you jackass" Reiner giggled "its coffee"

"Reiner" Bert said serving me eggs and a toast "he didn't sleep well, don't make fun of him"

"Please listen to your—how did you know I didn't sleep well?" I asked.

"You moved like a fucking maniac last night" Reiner said with university newspaper in his hands "your bed's strings are noisy as fuck man"

"Oh" I breathed putting egg in my toast "sorry"

When Bert sat down next to me, I realized we looked particularly like a family, taking breakfast together, Reiner reading the news, while taking big sips of his dark coffee while Bert drank tea telling him to not to read on the table.

I smiled at myself, maybe because I missed things like this since I came up to uni, or maybe because I really like the idea of having two friends that make me feel like home.

Of course I didn't say anything about it to any of them, I finished my toast and my coffee and made my way to my first class in the morning saying see you to Bert and fuck you to Reiner.

I walked as fast as I could to my class, not just because I wanted to be responsible for one time in my life but also because I didn't wanted meet Marco in the way.

Yes, pathetic, I know.

"-right?" I heard someone said from my back.

I pull my headphone off and turned in my heels just to look down to a blond haired guy.

 _Armin._

"Sorry, did you say something?" I said in the most polite tone I could trail off.

"You're Jean, right?" He repeated

"Yeah" I said "and you are?"

 _Yeah, pretend that you haven't already stalked his Facebook, Jean._

"Oh, I'm Armin, Marco's friend" he said holding out a hand which I shake for a couple of seconds "we kind of saw each other yesterday, nice to meet you"

"Oh yeah, nice to meet you too" I said

"I was going to thank you for inviting us to your party. That was very thoughtful of you"

 _If you only knew._

"No problem" I smiled "uh, I should go now, I have class—"

"You have class with Erwin"

"Yeah" I said arching an eyebrow.

"I'm his assistant" _of course you are_ "I could tell him you helped me with some books, so we could talk for a sec"

Do I really have a choice?

"Sure" I said following him to the bench.

I noticed that the height difference wasn't something that bothered Armin, he looked bigger than me in some kind of way, more mature and confident.

We stayed in silence for a moment before he looked at me and sighed

"So" he breathed "I wanted to talk about Marco"

My heart stopped

"Yes?"

"Well" he said "Marco and I are very close to each other, and that's why I would like you to—"

Everything stopped.

 _Close to each other._

 _Marco said they were just friends, but what if Armin doesn't feel the same way?_

 _Maybe he wants you to help him to date Marco,_ said the voice.

 _How that's even possible?_

 _He knows you went to the same school as Marco did, you know him more than he does, maybe he tries to use that,_ the voice said.

 _That doesn't make sense._

 _What is that feeling?_

 _I'm going to be sick._

"I can't" I interrupted him.

"Uh?" He said opening his big eyes in confusion.

"I can't help you to date Marco, I-I can't" I said clenching my fists

"What?!" He said, leaving aside the calmed and controlled person he was a second before "why would I want that kind of-you think I like Marco?"

I felt how the all the blood of my body ran right to my face.

I blushed, I fucking blushed.

"...you don't?"

"No" he said.

"So you aren't-"

"Gay?" He interrupted me giving me a little smile "no, actually I'm bi, but either way, Marco is just a friend, a really good one, and that's why I wanted to talk to you"

 _Where are the meteors when you need one to crash you to death?_

"I'm sorry" I said without looking at him.

"He told me about you" he said, making my fists clench again "last year, he got really drunk in a party, and for no reason he told me about the guy he liked in high school and how it didn't worked out"

He looked at me searching for a reply, but I was too busy looking at my feet in regret, so he continued.

"He didn't remembered he told me, so I didn't mentioned, but when he told me that an old friend from school was here, I knew it was you, you were the guy"

"How?" I simply said.

"You should see him when he talks about you" he smiled to himself "he looks so happy, it's quite annoying how he implies you in every conversation we have since you came here" my stomach gave a turn, Armin smiled slightly "he's really excited about the party, but-"

"But?" I said looking at him for a couple of seconds before he turned back to me.

He sighed fixing his glasses.

"Look, when he told me it didn't worked out, even if he was drunk, he looked devastated, and I know it's not of my business, but I don't want him to have hopes with you again if you don't feel the same about him"

 _It's the same way I felt when Thomas started dating Marco._

 _I was doing the same thing that Armin is doing now._

 _Trying to protect my friend from being hurt._

 _I remember when I asked Marco if he was happy with Thomas._

 _He looked so uncomfortable, he didn't knew the answer._

 _But I do._

"I'm sorry if I sounded rude I-"

"No," I said "it's okay, I was…thinking"

 _He practically told you that Marco likes you._

 _The way he talks about you, he doesn't stop talking about you._

 _He told Armin about you._

 _Even if you acted like an asshole._

 _He still likes you._

 _And you like him too._

 _You like Marco._

"I feel the same way" I finally said, or whispered, I'm not really sure.

 _I like Marco._

"I'm sorry?" he said looking confused.

"I like Marco" I said, Armin sighed in relief before I grabbed my face between my hands "I-I do, fuck I like Marco"

"I'm glad you said it" Arming chuckled petting my back "we should go class now"

"Yeah" I breathed getting up and grabbing the books Armin gave me to bring to Erwin class.

 _I like Marco._

 _I like Marco._

 _Marco's coming to the party on Saturday._

 _That's going to be my chance to finally confess and…_

Then it came to my mind like a slap from the universe.

 _Reiner's bet._

 _Fuck!_

 _Not even once everything could be just perfect, no fucking way._

 _Fuck._

"Jean, are you coming or not?" Armin asked a couple of meters before me

"Fu—I mean, yeah, sorry" I said catching him up.

Armin chuckled while we walked together to class.

-o-

The rest of the week was particularly nice and calmed. Marco and I talked until one of us fell asleep, or until Reiner came up to my room asking what I was doing in the dark, there was only one solid answer to that question: jerking off.

Saturday came up sooner than I expected it. The realization of having Marco (and yeah, other people) over, transformed me and Bert into two clean obsessed freaks, Reiner was in charge of the food and the booze for the party, and make sure that Bert and I didn't die intoxicated by the chlorine. The house was finally disinfected, organized and with an artificial lily odor around six thirty o'clock in the evening.

"I think my hands are going to fall off thanks to the chlorine" I said laying on the floor

"My nose is going to fall off thanks to you" Reiner replied sitting next to Bertholdt, who was taking a nap on his shoulder "seriously man, you haven't showered since Wednesday"

"Thursday" I corrected straighten up "and I've been too busy"

"Yeah" he said "wanking"

"I'm going to take a shower" I said taking my shirt off, I looked at it for a second before throwing it to Reiner's face "so you can remember me"

He grunted throwing it back to me before looking at Bert moving on his shoulder, I walked to the back of the couch were I was safe from Reiner's arms.

"I'm going to fucking murder you" he hissed looking over his shoulder.

"Thanks Bert for saving me in your sleep" I said kissing the top of his head, receiving a slap on my temple "motherfu—"

"You have two seconds to get out of here before I—"

"Woah, Reiner, jealousy isn't good for—"

"Jean I swear to God" he said leaning back trying to catch me with his free arm before I ran to the bathroom, laughing my ass off.

I undressed myself before entering to the warm shower, I let the water cover my head completely, I felt a salty flavor on my lips, I supposed it was the sweat I was letting pile up in my head. I noticed how the water under my feet was slightly brown before going down to the drainage.

 _God I'm disgusting._

After twenty relaxing minutes, including new hairstyles with foam (yeah I did it, sue me) and a exfoliation process, I was in front of my closet trying to decide what to wear to look amazing but in a subtle way, hot but only for Marco, with style but not like a douche bag.

I was lost, basically.

Or I was until I found my old jean jacket.

 _Why the fuck no?_

"Whoa Jean" said Bert when I got out of my room, he looked me up and down, my jean jacket over a white shirt and black skinny jeans "you look really handsome"

 _That's something my mom would say Bert._

"Yeah, Jean" Reiner said before I could answer, holding a knife next to his face "come here to congratulate you"

"No fucking way I'm going near you while you're holding that" I said before someone knocked the dorm door.

"Saved by the bell" he grinned archly.

I shuddered.

"I swear to god you scare the shit out of me sometimes" I said as I walked to the door.

When I opened the door, the only thing I could thought off was: saved by the bell is an overrated fraise because you never know what's on the other side of the door.

Marco Boldt was in front of me on the hallway, wearing a black leader jacket over a blue plaid shirt and black skinny jeans, his hair fixed as always, but with a subtle shine, he was holding a supermarket bag on his hand, and he smelled just…amazing.

Basically, he looked hot as fuck.

"Hi Jean" he smiled blushing slightly, maybe product of my imagination.

"Hi Marco" I smiled back.

 _Free lunches weren't a priority anyways._

* * *

 **Notes:** OK SO, I know what you're going to say now "WHAT TH E FUC K IS THAT END?! YOU'RE GOUNG TO LEAVE IT LIKE THI?S W HAT THE FUCK" CHILL ok?, I worked for this chapter a lot (almost three solid months) and after writing it and erasing over and over, it was horrifically long, so I decided to split it up in two, yeah in this specific part because I'm a jackass who likes to make you suffer, so I'm going to upload the second part next week, specifically on Sunday evening.

Now, about the lack of activity in this story (and all my projects basically), since September my life, mentally and emotionally, it's been a fucking roller coaster, I actually don't know how I made it alive to this year, to be honest, and thanks to that I've been unable to write because I was (am) so frustrated and, ugh, life… not everything is bad though, little things happened, like, I finished my first year at uni, I may have a full scholarship this year, I have friends from school and from uni who are amazing as hell and I freaking love them . Anyway, I already finished writing this fic, I'm really satisfied with the result, and by saying that I was thinking on leaving multichapter fics aside for a while, as same as I did with my first fic, writing them it's a stress factor and I don't want it to be. BUT That doesn't mean I'm quitting writing, there are some projects I've working on for like, two years? And I really would like to publish when they're finished, so yeah, as always, see you in the next chapter, thanks for reading my story and being patient, take care and bYE.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes:** University is a literal HELL, it takes your life out of your body and fucking shoves it into a bag that you'll never see again. (I failed a subject, I have to repeat it next year). The good side though: you can still go with your friends to McDonalds on Fridays. (This was kind of an excuse for the almost three month delay even though I had this chapter already written)

"Come on in" I said to Marco when we both were standing frozen there like idiots.

"Oh, thank you!" Marco said holding out a six pack of beer "I hope you like beer"

"I'll take care of that" said Reiner from behind grabbing the six pack of Marco's hand "and you…must be Marco"

"Y-Yeah" Marco blushed "I-I'm Marco Boldt, nice to meet you"

"Nice to meet you too" Reiner grinned "I'm Reiner, Jean doesn't shut up about you, you should listen to him 'Marco here, Marco there, Marco's coming here—"

I elbowed him in the stomach, blushing like an idiot and looking to Marco's eyes, he was blushing too.

"Don't you have a boyfriend to help?!" I shouted "go away!"

Reiner laughed while he was making his way to the kitchen.

"I'm—I'm so sorry" I said covering my mouth with my hand "that—that was really awkward, it's okay if you don't want to come in anymore"

"Why I wouldn't?" Marco giggled

"You really want to be interrogated by my roommates?" I said, he looked at Reiner's back and bit his lip "that's what I thought…okay, this is what we're going to do, you going to run to that door you see there, my room, and stay there, I'm going to be there in a minute, okay?"

Marco chuckled.

"Alright" he said.

"Ready? Now!" I said and Marco entered to the dorm the fast as he could and went directly to my room, he fucking grinned at me before closing the door.

 _Come on legs, don't fail me now._

I closed the door and went to the kitchen.

"Who was that?" Bert asked while I was grabbing chips and drinks for me and Marco.

"Marco" I said before turning around in direction to my room.

"Oh" Bert said with a smile in his lips.

"No sex before the party young man" Reiner laughed.

"Go fuck yourself Reiner" I said before entering to my room.

When I closed the door, I saw Marco's back, he was looking at my desk, full with sheets with doodles and unfinished art projects.

"Hi there" I said with a slight smile.

"Woah" he said turning back quickly, eyes wide open "I'm sorry—I was—was"

"Marco" I chuckled, offering him a beer and leaving the chips bowl on the desk "relax, if I wasn't willing to take some critics I wouldn't be studying art, tell me I'm trash, hit as hard as you can, come on"

"No" he said taking the can off my hand "I mean, is not that—you're good, you're really good Jean, why you didn't tell me?"

"Tell you?" I said drinking a sip of beer.

"I mean, in school, you never told me you were so good at drawing and art in general"

"Well, the tutoring and you dating Thomas, we didn't had so much time to talk about me–"

 _Shit._

 _You, surprisingly, said too much again._

"Oh, right" he sighed leaving my drawings in the desk.

"I'm sorry" I said taking seat in my bed, Marco followed me taking a sip of his beer "I didn't mean it like that"

"Don't apologize" he sighed.

We weren't looking at each other, for some reason we both decided that the wall in front of us was more interesting.

"Why you didn't showed up?" he asked suddenly, breaking the silence.

"What?" I choked with my beer.

"When I graduated" he said looking at me "why you didn't showed up? I know you received the card"

"It was a year ago Marco" I said too quietly, avoiding his eyes, taking another sip of my drink.

"I know…" he said looking at the can on his hands "I know, is just I'd like to know why, to—get it out to my system"

I sighed loudly before dropping myself in my bed.

"Ugh" I grunted "I thought it was the best for both of us, you know, like, move on with our lives and be happy without all the drama" I pointed myself "aka me"

Marco scoffed.

"Sorry, I'm—" he said scratching his nose before taking a deep breath "it wasn't the best Jean, I wasn't happy, at all, I would have liked to have all that drama, you, in my life, even if to me you weren't a drama"

My heart pounded really hard against my chest.

 _I don't know how to respond to that._

"I'm sorry" I sighed

 _Nice. Very precise, Jean._

… _Asshole._

"No" he said lying next to me, leaving no space between us "please don't apologize, I don't know why I expected you to go, you didn't even looked at me in the hallways after we-I broke up with Thomas, it was a stupid idea"

We looked at each other for a moment before I grunted, covering my eyes with the back of my hand.

"What?" he said in a worried voice.

"I'm an asshole" I said, grunted.

"Why are you saying that?"

"I did showed up, Marco, I saw you sitting in that bench and I panicked, I started thinking on how hurt I felt and how miserable we were at that time, I didn't wanted that again, I didn't wanted to hurt you either, I'm an asshole"

"No, Jean" he said grabbing my hand to take it out of my face "I am, I am the asshole here"

"Let's say we both fucked things up, Marco" I said with a little smile in my face, he laughed squishing my hand.

I felt my mouth dry, and something went down through my spine.

"Marco" I whispered when we were facing each other.

"Yes?" he said looking at my eyes.

"What were you going to tell me that time?"

"Oh" he said, squishing my hand one more time, getting closer to me too "I was going to—"

"JEAN!" Reiner called out, making me, and Marco, jump out of my bed like we just got caught robbing a bank.

We looked at each other and Marco covered his mouth with his hand, red as a tomato.

My mouth dropped a little.

 _WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED?!_

"The fuck you want?" I shouted while opening the door of my room, Marco walking behind me.

"I need you to go buy some booze" he said before looking at us and arching an eyebrow and fucking grin at us "are you guys okay? You two are red as fuck, what happened?"

"I-I forgot to open the windows, right Marco?" I said looking at him and noticing his pink cheeks.

"Yeah" he said "and the beers we drank, I mean-yeah"

"…okay" Reiner said looking for something in his pocket "here's some money, can you go now?"

"Yeah, want to come with me?" I said to Marco

"Sure" he said "I'm going to get my jacket, be right back"

"Oh—okay" I said when he was entering to my room.

"Your window man, really?" Reiner elbowed me "it's freezing outside, what the hell you two were doing there? Did I won the bet already?"

"Shut the fuck up" I hissed, hitting his stomach "Marco could hear you"

"Ready to go" Marco said with his jacket on and a beanie I haven't seen before on his head.

"Let's go then" I said "we'll be back in an hour or something"

"Okay" Reiner said before going back to the kitchen

"Bye Bert" I screamed from the front door.

"Bye Jean, bye Marco" he screamed back.

I closed the door behind me, when I turned around, Marco smiled at me.

"What" I said raising an eyebrow

"Nothing" he said "you look like a family, like brothers I mean, it seems nice"

"You think so?" I chuckled "I uhm, actually have thought about it before, it isn't something weird though?"

"Not at all" he smiled fondly

"W-we should go" I said, blushing like a schoolgirl, turning around as fast as I could.

"Yeah" he sighed.

It was already dark outside, the street lights were the only thing that helped us to know the path to the subway.

We were quiet, the only thing I could hear was our footsteps on the street and my teeth cracking against each other, I was freezing my balls off and I didn't knew if I was going to make it alive to the subway.

My arms around my chest, and my whole body shaking for the cold, my jacket was amazingly cold and I was about to get back home and never go back outside, Marco noticed, and stopped all the way, making me turn around to face him and frown.

"Dude come on" I said, shaking like a wet dog "we're almost there"

"You're freezing" he said with a worried tone

"Wow, I haven't noticed yet" I replied, he frowned "sorry"

"Come here" he said taking his beanie off.

"Oh, you don't—"

"Shut up" he said in a serious tone.

 _I did not get a boner for that tone._

 _I did not get a boner for that tone._

"Jeez, okay just—" I babbled when I was going to grab it, but Marco thought it was a better idea to give a step closer to me and put the beanie on my head, fixing my hair on the process, and smiling all the time.

"There you go" he said with his fingers on my temple.

 _Yep, I can feel the erection now._

"Thanks" I said, I could saw my breath collide with his lips when I breathed.

 _Why is he so goddam tall?_

Marco looked at me, his hand suddenly moved to my cheek, it was surprisingly warm and his face was closer and closer every second.

"Marco" I said with my eyes closed, feeling his breath on my mouth "please, no"

He stopped, his hand dropped and he gave a step away from me.

"I-I'm sorry—I got carried away—I thought we—" he said stepping back again.

"No" stopped him, grabbing his arm and looking at him in the eye "I mean we are but, look, I can't" his eyes went right to the ground "I've made a bet with Reiner"

"A bet?" he said looking surprised.

"Yeah, since he saw you he said we had sexual tension unresolved and even though I told him what had happened he said we would make out on his party and then he told me he wanted three nights and I wanted art supplies—"

"Jean" Marco interrupted me getting closer to me again "you're rambling, you do it when you're nervous" he put a hand in my cheek and got even closer "it's really cute"

"Whoa" I stepped back putting my free hand on his chest "the bet is that I can't kiss you tonight"

"Why you made that bet?"

"Because I thought you were dating Armin and I was sure we—it was over" I said "he's going to pay my lunches for the rest of the year if I don't make out with you tonight"

"What if you do?" he asked getting a little closer, our chests together "what if you do kiss me tonight?"

"I'll have to leave the room three nights per week for him and Bert" I said looking at his eyes.

"Wow" he said, he looked at my lips then my eyes "I—I'll try my best, but I don't know what would happen with booze in my system"

"Thanks" I said looking at his lips.

 _His lips look so soft, good fucking lord, give me the strength to not to bite them already._

Marco smiled, got close to my ear and said.

"If you keep looking at me like that, I don't know how much the bet will last"

"Asshole" I smiled pushing him back, he grabbed my hand and intertwined our fingers.

"There's no bet about holding hands, right?" he grinned

"Nope" I replied looking at the ground.

-o-

The party consisted basically on a lot of people I didn't knew, a lot of booze, and a lot of assholes trying to get into my room to get laid, so I stayed close to protect my territory.

I talked to Marco until some of his classmates, which for some reason knew Reiner, came by and he went to talk to them.

Armin came by around one in the morning, Marco received him and started dancing with him and the others, I noticed that his legs weren't functioning the way they should thanks to the alcohol on his blood, he was as drunk as I was, he was having fun without me.

I didn't minded, I mean, I was getting drunk and my urge to kiss him was increasing, he was actually making me a favor staying away from me almost the whole night.

 _Yes, this is how I imagined my university years, drinking vodka of a plastic cup, alone, watching Marco having fun_. _Golden days._

At three am, everyone was drunk, there were several of them dancing in the middle of the dorm, although many other have passed out on the couch, and other, like me, were still drinking, trying to find the reason to still being in the party.

 _Ok, enough, fuck it I'm going to bed._

 _Where the hell is Reiner? I need to tell him I won._

While I was on my search of my muscular friend, I saw Marco's back, he was sitting on the kitchen table, alone for the first time in the night, drinking of a plastic blue cup.

 _Reiner. Marco. Reiner. Marco._

"Hey stranger" I said, noticing that the music was considerably less loud there.

"Hey there party boy" he smiled, his breath smelled like rum and chips "want a drink?"

"Nah" I said rising my cup slightly "I think I passed my limit a while ago"

"You know it's just a way to flirt, right?" he smirked "offering you a cup, asking you what is your favorite drink, I'll say it's mine too, we establish a nice conversation and the story goes on"

"This is not a bar in the eighties, Marco" I said grabbing a chair, sitting next to him, blushing slightly for the vodka "and I'm pretty sure they always warns you to not receive alcohol from another person"

"Boring" he smiled with his face resting on his hand.

"Thanks" I smiled "what you're doing here alone by the way? Your friends are dancing there"

"Needed space"

"Oh" I sighed "you want to go then?"

"Of course not" he said putting his hand on my arm "I haven't seen you the whole night"

 _Yeah, you kind of ignored me the whole night._

"Yeah" I sighed "I was actually going to bed actually, I'm kind of tired"

"What a shame" he said giving a sip of his cup, the song on the living room changed to an old rock classic, the drums the base and Bon Jovi's voice make their way through our ears. "Oh fu-yes!" he said "I love this song, Jean sing along with me"

"Not today bud" I giggled "I don't sing"

"Oh, come on, it's a classic!"

I smiled and take a sip of my cup while he grabbed his and used it as a microphone, he looked at me in the eyes while doing so.

He moved on his chair along the music, his voice covered almost completely Bon Jovi's, even so his voice wasn't great as I imagined it was, it wasn't bad, although it could be thanks for the alcohol.

Then, the chorus came along.

" _Wooaah we're half way there! Woah! Living on a prayer_ " Marco sang, but before continuing with the next verse, he took my hand and intertwined our fingers without looking away from my eyes " _Take my hand, we'll make it I swear, woah, living on a prayer!_ "

He smiled at me and stroked my hand with his thumb, I didn't let go his hand because…

I have no fucking excuse why I didn't.

I looked at his lips while he kept singing, he smiled with every word and bit his lips every time there was instrumental.

I couldn't help but bite mine too when he did so.

"Stop flirting with me!" he said finishing his drink.

"What?" I said with my eyes wide open

"You keep looking at my lips!" he said getting closer before lowering his voice and say "control yourself"'

"Fuck off" I smiled doing the same thing.

"Remember your bet" he said, at this point our foreheads where touching.

"I do remember it"

"You're willing to leave your room just to kiss me? Woah you—"

I didn't let him finish.

I kissed him with all the strength that a drunken guy has.

 _Whoa! Livin' on a prayer!_

Our lips collapsed in a not-so-graceful way, I hit his teeth with mine, but I didn't let that to stop me, my tongue made its way to Marco's mouth and I swear to god there's not better feeling than his tongue fighting mine for the dominance. While I was holding the collar of his shirt, I stood up making my own space between his legs, his hands grabbed my hips under my shirt, I got boner in the middle of an university party and I didn't fucking care because I was kissing the guy that I fell in love with three years ago.

 _I_ _feel_ on _the_ _top_ _of_ _the_ _world_ _now._

 **Notes:** It took me like a million years to get here, just where I wanted, wasted dudes making out with their crush, FUCK YEAH.

Have you ever singed Livin' on a prayer at the top of your lungs? Or any good song to be honest, it's like-one of the best fucking sensations ever.

Like an apology I uploaded the last chapter so you could check it now, it's-different…BYE


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes:** I'm really good contradicting myself as the years pass by, this chapter is a really good proof.

There we were, kissing like two maniacs, in the middle of my friend's party, where anyone could see us.

And I didn't give a fuck.

After a couple of minutes of exchanging saliva, Marco pulled apart, looked at my eyes and giggled.

"Looks like you lost the bet" he said stroking his thumbs against my hips.

"Oh, fuck, you're right!" I said looking around "stop this right now, maybe Reiner didn't saw us"

"I didn't wanted you to win anyways" he said before putting our mouths together again.

I grabbed his hair, pressing him against me, I wanted him. I wanted him closer, so much closer.

"Jean" he said when he separated our lips and kissed my jaw and neck "Jean"

"Yes, yes" I said, moaned, when I felt his teeth in my skin

"Can we go to your room?" he breathed close to my ear.

My eyes wide open now, no one on the party cared about us, they probably were used to this kind of situation.

I grabbed his wrist and headed him to my room. I wasn't able to resist the temptation anymore.

 _Fuck the bet, fuck all._

"Yo, Kirschtein" said Reiner, who was leaning on the wall next to my room's door "I left something on your desk, have a nice fuck"

I opened the door and practically threw Marco inside before turning back to Reiner and flip him off, he smirked before I entered to my room and locked my door from inside.

"Is there something you want to tell me?" Marco said with a box of condoms on one hand and a tube of lube on the other one.

"Asshole" I said when I throw myself to him and forced us to fall in my bed, which, by the way, almost broke into pieces thanks to the combination of our weights.

Did that stopped me?

No, of course it didn't.

Marco hugged me and forced me to sit in his lap, my legs on his sides and my crotch against his, and I felt so fucking proud of myself for being responsible of the boner that was growing into his pants.

I looked at his eyes, the light of my desk lamp was reflected on his pupils, his smile seemed wither and the sweat drops on his temples were glowing on his skin.

He grabbed my face and kissed me, tenderly, softly and calmed, and I realized that he wasn't rushed. He wasn't trying to get back the almost three years we lost.

He was enjoying this, this moment of pure intimacy together.

The first one of many, I hope.

"Marco" I said when my lungs claimed for air and our mouths were an inch apart.

"Yeah?" he gasped

"Let's do it" I said, sounding like a teenage girl with his first boyfriend on the back of his old car on prom night.

He looked at me for a moment, surprised.

"Do-are you sure?" he said "I don't have any rush, I-I can wait"

"But I can't" I said leaning my forehead on his chest "I...want to do it"

I could felt how his heart beat accelerated, and that made my own heart go crazy.

"Marco?" I said after I didn't have an answer, I lifted my head from his chest and looked at him.

He kissed me, hard this time, his tongue unlocked my lips and my whole body trembled.

 _"I can wait" my balls._

 _This is going to happen._

 _I'm going to have sex._

 _I'm going to have sex with Marco._

He, somehow, turned us around so he was on top of me now.

The bed's springs resounded in the room, although the music was loud enough to anyone to notice. Marco took his shirt off and I was able to see his beautiful chest, although, I couldn't appreciate it enough because he grabbed my shirt and pulled it out from me without difficulty, my erect nipples were now exposed to my partner and the only thing he did was smile.

"Don't laugh at me!" I said covering my chest

"No, no, no" he said grabbing my hands, interlocking our fingers, and putting my hands next to my head "it's just...you're cute, I'm so happy now—I'm sorry"

My eyes widened,

"You're...cute...too" I pouted

He chuckled, and then kissed my pout before starting to explore my skin with his lips.

My neck, my chest and my belly were now marked with dark circles.

Then, he was face to face with my crotch.

The sound that my pants made when he unzipped them made my toes curl.

He slowly took my pants off and thank to god that I was wearing a decent pair of black boxers.

He lowered his head and fucking kissed the fabric.

 _The sound that I just made was inhuman and I hope he makes me do it again._

I dropped my head back when Marco started to gently rub my lower part, with his free hand he took mine and I squished our fingers together.

Marco teased me playing with the edge of my boxers, I looked at him in the eyes and the grin on his face was priceless.

"Fucker" I hissed with a smile on my face

He snorted and continued on his duty of taking my underwear off, leaving me completely naked, with his nose just next to my junk.

He blushed, hard, and his eyes met mine before he grabbed my limb and covered it with kisses. I closed my eyes shut and squished his hand even harder, he continued and gave little kisses all along the side of my length until he reached the top of it. He opened his mouth slightly and his lips surrounded it.

His head went down slowly, and the warm of his mouth caused me goosebumps, I used my free hand to cover my mouth, although my moans were able to go through my skin and Marco's ears, which started to, purposely, thrust his head faster.

 _Fucking god._

 _This is really happening right now._

 _How does my dick taste like though?_

 _Ok that's not a question that Marco would want to be asked at this moment._

"Shit" I hissed

He lifted his head and with a 'pop' he left my little friend standing up without difficulty.

"Are you okay?" Marco said getting closer to me

"Y-yeah" I breathed before grabbing his face and kiss him.

 _Please, go on._

His bare chest was against mine, although his pants seemed now an obstacle to me now, I unzipped them and desperately tried to take them off, without result.

"Fuck" I said while we both were looking to our lower parts "you have a padlock there or what"

Marco chuckled before pulling away, he stand up and got off the bed and he freed himself of pants and underwear, showing his beautiful and naked being.

I went speechless.

"Is something wrong?" he said climbing into bed, covering his penis with his hands.

"No!" I said, sitting in front of him "sorry, it's just..."

"What?"

"I...really like your dick" I smiled apologetically.

He stared at me for a moment, processing what I just said.

"Oh my god, Jean!" he said covering his face "I almost got a heart attack"

"Why?" I laughed when I took off his hands of his face.

"I thought you had regretted about this" he said looking to my eyes

"I let you suck my-It's too late to regret about this, don't you think?" I said getting closer to him.

He opened his legs and I made myself conformable between them, my legs were on his sides, and his hands went to my lower back while my arms went around his neck.

 _It feels so good being with him like this._

 _I completely forgot that I'm naked though._

 _I think it's too late to be ashamed of my body now._

"Sorry" he said petting my back in circles "god, I'm so nervous, I've been expecting to this to happen for so long"

"You have?" I asked rising an eyebrow

"I said it out loud, didn't I?" he said letting his head fall into my shoulder.

"You did" I said kissing his temple, his ear, and his neck "hope it has worth the wait though"

"It has" he said lifting his head to face me, his pupils were dilated and glazed.

We kissed for millionth time, he leaned forward and we both fell into my bed again, my head on the pillow and our groins against each other's.

Marco pulled away and grabbed the lube and the line of condoms that has fell from the bed.

He opened the lube and he let the liquid fall into his fingers while he was looking at my eyes.

"Ready?" He asked.

 _You're about to put shove your fingers in my ass._

 _How the fuck I am supposed to be ready?_

"Yeah" I breathed

He leaned over and I opened my legs so he could have a greater view of my butt hole.

 _I can't believe I'm doing this._

I suddenly felt a cold finger against my skin, my whole body tensed and my legs almost hit Marco's face.

"Relax" he said putting his free hand on my leg

"Is easy to say that when you don't look like you were about to gave birth, Marco"

"Oh god-just...close your eyes" he said

"Fine, you're the expert here" I said closing my eyes and leaning my head on my pillow

"You make it sound like I'm a slut" he chuckled

"If the gloves fits you" I smirked

He didn't responded, instead, he rubbed his finger against my skin again, applying some pressure every now and then.

I got to grab Marco's wrist when he introduced the first finger into me.

"Jesus fu—" I hissed, squishing his wrist tightly "you did that to shut me up didn't you?"

"Maybe" he grinned.

He moved his finger slowly, up and down, making me wince.

I could see stars when introduced the second and third finger, they moved along inside me, and my grip on Marco's wrist was blocking the circulation of blood on his hand.

 _I think I'm going to rip his hand off if I keep pressing this hard._

 _I would let him fuck me. He at least has to tolerate this._

"Jean" Marco whispered in my ear "I-I can't wait anymore"

"T-Then do it already" I whispered back

Marco kissed my cheek and straightened up, sliding his fingers carefully out of me. He grabbed one of the condoms of the line and rapidly covered his length with the latex.

He leaned over me, my arms around his neck while he carefully introduced himself into me, my lips where about to get cut by my own teeth.

"Fuck" I hissed scratching his back with my nails.

He responded with a light thrust of his pelvis, his forehead against mine and my arms pressing him harder.

He looked at my eyes and I could see a drop off sweat on his temple, his hair was glued on his forehead thanks to this, his pupils were dilated, and his lips were swollen.

He looked beautiful, yet powerful.

"You okay?" He asked glued to my lower part.

"I think I've been better" I responded with a wince before seeing his expression, I put my hand on his cheek and said "hey, I'm joking, I'm good, seriously, please continue"

He relaxed his muscles and slowly started to thrust his waist against me, carefully, waiting for the moment to, literally, destroy my butt.

I felt how our breaths changed, we were gasping, flustered like if there were fire in the room.

My chest felt hot and my junk was pressed against Marco's stomach, he kissed my shoulder before dropping his head on it, making me moan and say his name for millionth time, let him know to not stop, to never stop making me feel like that.

His moves were faster every minute, his arms moves under me and he pressed ourselves against each other, I could notice the marks that my nails had left on his back, not happy with that I pressed my lips on his shoulder and left a beautiful hickey on it.

My name never sounded so fucking good before I heard it through Marco's moans.

And then, it happened.

"Marco, Marco— fucking" I hissed pressing his bicep.

He responded slamming my ass hard enough to make me cum all over my chest, he lowered himself and kissed me intensely, bitting my lip before talking.

"Jean" he said with his forehead against mine, I could feel how he slowed down his movements until he finally stopped.

His breath in my mouth, he kissed me one more time before leaning his whole body over me, giving me little kisses on my chest, waiting to our breathes to calm. When our heartbeats where normal again, he pulled apart and getting up from the bed, freeing himself from the used condom.

"You want me to clean you?" he said pointing my chest with a line of cum on it.

"God, yes please" I said, suddenly feeling embarrassed.

He grabbed a tissue from my desk and carefully cleaned me up, not leaving a slight sight of what have happened, when he finished, he throw the tissue away, and climbed the bed to lie next to me, interwining our legs and his arm around me.

"That was—" he started

"Amazing?" I interrupted him.

"Yeah" he breathed "I know it's stupid, but I've—"

"Had dreamed about this a lot?"

"Stop making fun of me" he giggled

"I am not" I said, he raised an eyebrow "okay, maybe a little bit, but you keep sounding like a character of a romantic movie"

"Well" he said smiling "movies are right, it does feel amazing when you do it with someone you—never mind"

"Do it with someone you what?" I asked, knowing the answer.

"Someone that you love" he said without thinking, he avoided my eyes "I love you, Jean, I thought I was over you but guess not, I'm sorry, it must be weird for you I—"

I kissed him to interrupt his babbling, my hands went to his cheeks and he pressed our chests together.

"I love you too" I smiled when we pulled apart "no homo though"

His smile disappeared.

"Jean" he said "you've had a crush on me since high school, we had sex, we are literally naked now, and you still have the face to say 'no homo'?"

"Nah, I'm just fucking with you" I raised an eyebrow and smirked "Pff, get that? Like, I'm literally fucking you"

He rolled eyes

"You-ugh, I can't believe it-" he said getting up from bed, his bare back, shoulders full of light freckles, beautiful and imperfect freckles

"Hey, hey" I said holding his hand, pulling him until he was beside me in bed again, not looking at me "hey, I love you man, full homo"

"Saying 'man' make it more masculine to you uh?" he said still not looking at me

"Maybe" I said when I took his chin to make him look at me, when he did, I know I blushed, cause, come on, the guy was totally naked next to me, and those dark eyes make it pretty hard to not to kiss him right there "but if you want me to call you sweetheart, or honey, or sugar daddy from now on, you just have to ask for it"

"Saying my name is good enough, thank you very much" he said

"Alright then" I said, sitting next to him before he did the same, we were in front of each other now "if that means that you'll understand that I want to spend my weekends with you, that you'll hear good music and bad puns, that you'll eat a lot of pizza and that, basically, you will have to tolerate me, then I'll say it...I love you, Marco Boldt, and I always will"

He startled, his mouth dropped a little and his face looked like a tomato

"Who's the one who talks like a movie character now, uh?"

"You still mad at me?" I said getting closer to him, his eyes fixed on mine

"N-Never was" he stuttered

"Good" I smiled "want to make out now or go back to the party?"

He didn't responded, well, at least not with words, he grabbed my face and kissed me I instead, making me fall on top of him when he leaned back to rest his head in the pillow.

 _I_ _don't_ _think_ _they_ _miss_ _us_ _out_ _there_ _anyways._

 **Notes:** I literally blushed like a thousand times while writing this, I don't even know how to explain why I know how gay sex works °/°

Well, this is it, I hope it has worth it because I really have no idea what I wanted when I started this fic, I was inspired I guess, and like I said in chapter 10's notes, writing is something that I want to keep for me, finish some projects without the pressure of an update date, I don't know when I'll have another fic, but there are always situations that inspire me to keep going, this is my farewell, have a nice life, byeee :3


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